Upon My Sleeve

Hell? Just Take a Right at Good Intentions Road

2010-11-15T21:00:00.002-06:00

I realize that people often take what I say about "charity" work overseas with a grain of salt because they think I'm jaded or because they want to hang on to the innocent belief that all do-gooders really do good. Believe it or not, I, too consider myself an optimist and want to believe the best of others. Burying our heads in the sand and trusting organizations because it makes us feel good about ourselves is not the answer, though. And unfortunately, too much done in the name of "good" is actually done for the purposes of patting one's self on the back and ignores the actual consequences of the charitable action.

Let me be the first to say: there is good work being done. But before you give-- your money OR your time-- do your research. Sometimes not even seeing is believing.

Seriously, if you're thinking of donating overseas this holiday season, I can point you toward a couple legit organizations. Or, donate closer to home to be sure your intentions are realized.

Morning Coversations

2010-10-20T07:14:00.003-06:00

(Upon waking)

S: It's a good thing I was married to Jerry O'Connell last night in my dreams or you would have been in very big trouble this morning.

C: What was I doing?

S: You weren't doing anything. I told you, it was Jerry O'Connell.

C: Right. What was Jerry O'Connell doing?

S: Let's just say he wasn't being very faithful.

C: Figures. Celebrities.

(Later over breakfast)

C: I almost sent you to work with no sugar in your coffee.

S: Whatever. I keep sugar packets in my desk just in case that happens.

C: Pfft. No trust. No trust at all. Look-- don't punish me for Jerry O'Connell's mistakes. Don't paint all ridiculously handsome men with the same brush!

Forget the Riders when you talk about pride

2010-10-17T18:35:00.010-06:00

The Leader Post, along with The Calgary Herald, ran a story about Saskatchewan Roughrider fans planning to wear bras to the game in order to "taunt" Calgary Stampeders QB, Henry Burris. It seems photos of Burris wearing a bra have surfaced on the internet.

"Who better to welcome to town for a big game than that cross-dresser from Calgary?" joked Riders fan Natalie Hanson, referring to Burris.

It seems like the one time our media still chooses to attempt to remain "objective" and report "just the facts" is when it is trying to pass off ignorant homo/transphobia as nothing more than a little healthy sports rivalry. Totally harmless, right?

I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of sitting in or near the University section on the East side of Taylor Field. I have. It's full of drunk fans who reek of their own B.O. and their own special brand of homophobia. Perhaps my ignorance shows when I tell you that the one time I had to sit in that section, I was shocked to hear the immature, poorly rhymed, pathetic chants of the crowd that attempted in vain to shake the confidence of the opposing team with sickeningly homophobic overtones. Each chant included "homo" or "fag" or some other allusion to gay sex.

It was beyond hostile. It was hateful.

So who cares if a few twenty-somethings go get drunk and shout homophobic remarks for three hours? If you don't like it, sit somewhere else.

Sure. And if you're a player, don't be yourself. The persistent, harmful myth that men who play rough sports aren't gay (because they're all dancing or figure skating, of course) is allowed to carry on because the culture of sport isn't safe for athletes who are gay, bi, or trans. Don't ask, don't tell, goes far beyond the American military. For these athletes, to come out of the closet would be career suicide. All you have to do is sit in on one peewee football practice to figure out why and how deep it runs.

The use of emasculation as a coaching technique is alive and well. Granted, while there are many coaches who manage to lead teams without this method, it is no secret that many still employ it as their first line of offense in grooming these young athletes. I’ve heard it many times with my own ears. It can’t take long for boys in any football or hockey league to figure it out: Straight guys good. Everything else bad.

This attitude damages people to the core. Even those boys not involved in sport are shunned from high school locker rooms if they dare to come out. Those who do choose to play but can't "handle" it, drop out of a sport they love, just so they don't have to be ashamed. Those who hide it well enough are forced to do just that-- for their entire sporting careers and sometimes beyond. A lifetime spent unable to be yourself.

Because some “fans” think it's "harmless" and in "good fun" to spew hate at a significant portion of the population.

Oh-- and because this newspaper thinks it's cute, too.

So seriously—there is not one single writer or editor who found that story as careless and tasteless as I did? No one thought for a second about the hate they were perpetuating by attempting to demoralize the competition by calling him... gasp... a cross-dresser?

Apparently. Because the story ran with nary a hint of critical analysis.

But that's not what the sports pages are for, right? Real news? Because, see, real news would be getting more than one side to a story-- showing people a perspective they may not have been exposed to otherwise and letting them make up their own minds. Instead these "journalists" carry on the charade of homophobia in sport being perfectly normal and a swell way to show your Rider Pride.

Hopefully there are at least a few of us out there who think other kinds of pride are more important. As allies, it is our responsibility to speak out against ignorance like this. It isn't our careers or our physical well being that is on the line, just our integrity.

*Edit-- I have replaced the original with the one that will be published. Although I realize my anonymity is precarious at the best of times, the public nature of this particular post may lead more people here who know my name. Should any of those readers be young and impressionable, I feel that this edited version will serve the same purpose without damaging their young psyches.

There's No Pill For This

2010-07-28T12:13:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, CBC radio had a short segment on the growing problem of pharmaceutical child abuse. Last year alone there were 1400 cases of parents or caregivers drugging children reported to Poison Control (I shudder to consider the number of unreported cases). The average age of these children was two. Two years of age. Half younger, half older, the vast majority under the age of five.

The poisons ranged from laxatives to alcohol to antidepressants to sedatives to street drugs like cocaine or meth. Though it is difficult to pinpoint why this is happening, the researchers ventured some guesses. Though entertainment was a plausible conclusion and munchausen by proxy another, they believed that more often than not, parents were trying to sedate their kids.

Be quiet. Sleep. Leave me be.

I've been thinking about this a lot since I heard it. I'm no expert, but I have my ideas as to the causes of this phenomenon.

First, sleep deprivation is no joke. I am the first to admit this. Though I know we have not seen the end of the spectrum when it comes to baby-caused-sleep deprivation, I know that we have ventured quite a distance down that path and it isn't pretty. I can't imagine what it would be like for those parents going at it alone, with few resources or supports. We tried everything to get N to sleep, but never considered drugs. I can understand, though, how people might get to the point where they look longingly at that anti-nausea medication and wonder what could be so bad about capitalizing on its side-effects. Especially in a society that has a pill for everything.

Doctor, I can't sleep.

Here's a sedative.

Doctor, I'm sad.

Here's an antidepressant.*

Doctor, I'm not as virile as I once was.

Here's a little blue pill.

Doctor, my back hurts.

Here's a pain killer.

Doctor, my back still hurts.

Here's a more powerful pain killer.

Doctor, I can't sleep.

Here's a sedative.

My kid won't sleep. What would my doctor do?

This "medicate away your problems" attitude in our culture must have a role in this growing trend. Combine it with our prevailing (and promoted) penchants for instant gratification and the popular push to avoid all things that cause even the slightest discomfort (I've ranted about this before), and it's a recipe for disaster for babies whose parents don't know anything else.

The doctor reporting on the feature said that all we could do was get the word out and let people know that it is unacceptable. This, in my opinion, is a cop out. Our governments need to start showing more support for non-medical or "alternative" treatments for what ails us in order to counter the pharmaceutical propaganda that pervades our media. We need to start educating young people more effectively about preventative health measures and the dangers of our convenience minded society and change attitudes about medicine (let's get provocative, here people, and it needs to start with an update to the health curriculum and a mandate that learning about health should not end at 14 years of age). Doctors need to quit selling quick fixes and glossing over side effects and start working in conjunction with alternative health practitioners, not to mention holding their clients accountable for how their behaviours and choices impact their health. New parents need support for sleep, not just feeding and car-seat installation. Partners need a viable opportunity to stay home for longer periods to support primary caregivers. We as a community need to stop pressuring new parents to continue their lifestyles, uninterrupted, and setting the expectation that a child's sleep should look like an adults.

This is not the problem, but rather a symptom of something much larger and big problems require big solutions. The question is, who can we count on to tackle it?

*I want to be clear that I recognize clinical depression as a real problem, not just sadness, but I think we can all agree that antidepressants are over-prescribed and the root causes of depression under addressed.

The Real Lessons Learned from Disney

2010-07-20T10:46:00.001-06:00

Smell You Later

2010-07-02T08:08:00.004-06:00

It's been a while since I posted one of our inane conversations. We still have them. Not as regularly, but we do still have them. Here's one from last night before bed. It's gross but at the time we thought we were pretty funny.

C: (taking a whiff of his armpits after a 30+ degree day) Oh honey, I don't think I'm going to pass the smell test tonight.

S: Well that's unfortunate because today is the day that was selected by the Board of Smellucation for your post-assessment.

C: Post assessment?

S: Yes. We need to measure whether or not your smell has improved since the pre-assessment. It's called Assessment for Hygiene.

C: Oh. When was the pre-assessment?

S: Don't you remember? It was after your last shower.

C: Well this hardly seems fair. What happens if I don't improve?

S: There's an intensive intervention.

C: Intensive intervention? That sounds... intense.

S: Yes. We have to bring in Franklin.

C: Franklin? The turtle?!

S: Of course not. He's a fictional character, C.

C: Oh, yes. Of course. I was being preposterous. So who is this "Franklin" you speak of?

S: He's our Smell Consultant. He's pretty new to the job. He lost his retirement savings in a ponzi scheme and was looking for a second career. When you see him, you should be sure to wish him a happy birthday. He just turned 72.

C: What exactly does a Smell Consultant do?

S: Well, he teaches you how to properly cleanse using a variety of teaching methods and then follows a Release of Responsibility model.

C: This sounds complicated.

S: It's not really. First he will model showering techniques so that you can watch and learn. Then, he will help you practice.

C: Help me?

S: You know, you get to hold the wash cloth but he moves your hands.

C: Uh...

S: Eventually he'll just watch to make sure you do a good job.

C: Just... watch?

S: Yes.

C: I'm not sure I like the sounds of this.

S: Then perhaps you should have focused more on improving your assessment scores. If you fail to prepare, C, be prepared to fail.

I wish I worked for the Onion

2010-06-14T22:12:00.001-06:00

Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming

Manufacturing Depression

2010-06-12T20:10:00.005-06:00

Here is a fascinating piece from Quirks and Quarks last week from the author of Manufacturing Depression Gary Greenberg. It starts about 2/3 of the way through after all the space science mumbojumbo. I don't want to misrepresent his argument, so I will leave it to you to have a listen or check out the link to his book.

Unitasking: Day One

2010-06-10T22:41:00.004-06:00

So today, I manged to make it the whole day without checking my personal email, facebook, or my blog reader until N was in bed, dishes were done, and the bathroom was clean (I checked 30 minutes ago). I only checked my work email twice-- once at lunch and once after school. During my school day, I marked an entire class set of essays and created a multiple choice exam on poetry for my preAP students.

AND I still found time to blog before bed?

Let's see what day two brings...

P.S.

How do you like the new look?

Introducing: The Unitasker!

2010-06-09T20:47:00.003-06:00

In response to this amazing article about how multitasking slows efficiency and, makes us dumber, I am going to try something.

From now until the end of the school year (June 29th), I am only going to check my personal email and check facebook AFTER Norah goes to sleep. I am deleting all of my saved tabs on Firefox. I will only check my work email after I have eaten lunch and before my 4th period class. The internet will not be open on my computer unless I am actively using it for the single task to which I am presently devoted. I will make a To-Do list at the start of each day and check off all the items, one by one, before I go home.

Wish me luck!

I'm older than I've ever been and now I'm even older.

2010-06-08T22:11:00.002-06:00

Today, a group of my grade 10s were completing their Reviving the Romantics poetry presentations wherein they were supposed to find a contemporary song and prove that it was reminiscent of the Romantic Era based on 5 criteria.

The first student chose to analyze "Round Here" by the Counting Crows.

"Interesting selection, Chloe. When I was in ninth grade, I chose this same song for a lyric analysis assignment!"

The second student chose, "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden.

"You guys are really taking me back, here. Another 90s tune? That was the 90s, right?"

"I think so, Ms. Sleeves. I'm pretty sure it was from the year I was born."

The third student analyzed "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" by Elton John.

"Seriously? I remember slow dancing to this in seventh grade. What's up with the retro picks, guys?"

Silence.

"Is this stuff you're actually listening to? How did you find these songs?"

"Our parents helped us find them."

Ouch. Age fail.

Continued...

2010-06-05T11:25:00.003-06:00

And of course, here is another way of looking at things that addresses many of the same issues I was frustrated with and does so in a way that isn't dogmatic and offers plenty of choice, but within parameters established by the teacher.

Notice not every kid got to go on a different field trip. I'm sure there were kids in the class that would have preferred to go to the zoo, but they still got involved with what was decided for everyone. Because the activities were relevant (rather than teaching a lesson in a classroom about how to use a compass, they actually HAD to USE the compass), the idea that a kid would choose not to participate was moot.

Now the question becomes, how do I rewire my brain to come up with solutions like this instead of reverting to "Sit down and do what you're told!"?

Thanks to Michelle for sharing this!

Cultivating Independence in Children
(from Feeding the Soil)

Now that I'm safely on the summer side of the school year, I have a bit more time to reflect on the end of the school year. I experienced one of my most memorable teaching moments of all time: I stood back while my third graders planned and executed their very own field trip.

First, they collected and developed ideas (just like we do in writing and research!) about where they wanted to go. They brainstormed lots of ideas, including going back to the Houston Arboretum or the zoo, to our pen pals' school across town, to Rice University, downtown Houston to see the "highest" and "lowest," etc.

Then ended up picking the latter option, and they set out to plan the entire trip. For example, they had to figured out how to get from our school to their first destination on the city bus. They also had to create an itinerary for the day, decide how much money to bring, debate between a picnic or a restaurant lunch, keep an ongoing "To Bring" list, and call the bus company to confirm the schedule.

During the field trip, they had to use a compass and a map to navigate the streets of downtown Houston, pay cashiers, ask security guards for directions, hold doors for people, and solve issues that came up along the way.

It was no small feat--for them or me. I had to stand back and let them take charge, even though it inevitably meant that the process was slower, less efficient, and more riddled with error. But it was in the slowness, the inefficiency, and the errors that the real learning took place. That's when the children really activated their critical thinking, made predictions, tested out ideas, demonstrated persistence, and collaborated with each other.

We missed the first bus, headed the wrong direction on McKinney street, and couldn't find the Smoothie King for our afternoon snack. But they had more fun on a field trip than they have ever had before. Because they planned it. Because they got their hands dirty in the creation and execution processes.

As teachers and parents in a fast-paced, drive-through society obsessed with the product at the expense of the process, it is so easy to do everything for children. It's faster. It's cleaner. It's more efficient. We've got things to do and places to go.

But, as Maria Montessori said so long ago, our children need to do for themselves. That's how they learn. That's also how they build true self-esteem--the kind of self-esteem that stays rooted in storms, not the kind of "Oh, you're so smart/pretty/amazing!" self-esteem that blows over as soon as someone expresses a contradictory opinion of them.

It's challenging, but it's possible. It takes time, mindfulness, and a commitment to truly cultivate independence in our children. But it can be done. It has to be done.

Because I said so. Because it's good for you. Because life isn't fair. Because you don't always have a choice.

2010-06-03T20:57:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I catch myself thinking thoughts that I am not sure are congruent with who I perceive myself to be. Sometimes I catch myself qualifying my beliefs in the name of "balance," but secretly wonder if maybe I'm just not strong enough to stick to my guns. I'm not really sure whether or not I can know for certain what is real here, but thought a little reflection might help.

As a teacher of English Language Arts, I want kids to love reading. Therefore, I think offering kids choice in what they read is important to do when it is possible. However, today, during a staff meeting, we viewed a video that documented kids admitting that they rarely, if ever, read books in school. They revealed how they "faked it" for class discussions, essays, and exams. When asked why they didn't read the books, they referenced the fact that the books were boring.

While I agree that students should be encouraged to discover their own reader identities through self-selection of texts and that in their spare time, they should be able to read the texts that appeal to them, I had a real problem with the implicit suggestion that kids should always have choice and the validation of the perception that if something is boring, students shouldn't have to do it.

I believe that it is necessary for kids to be exposed to uncomfortable situations-- situations that challenge them to try new things, even new things that do not seem exciting or immediately relevant, situations that may bore them. Setting kids up for the expectation that life must always be exciting, or at the very least comfortable and enjoyable is unrealistic and detrimental. I love my job, but not every minute of it. I love my daughter, but doing what is best for her is not always the most fun for me. I love owning a home, but there are many things I would rather do than mow the lawn or clean the toilet. Much of what I do in life, I do because I have to in order to achieve what I want: a paycheque, a family, a home. There is so much I have to do to be able to do what I want. I do not get to opt out of my responsibilities and skip ahead to my rewards. But I think a lot of what goes on in education these days in the name of engaging students and helping them succeed is actually having the opposite long term effect.

If kids believe it is their right to be constantly engaged-- that it is the teacher's responsibility to customize the most compelling resources and activities to everyone's individual desire-- they will never learn to make the best of a bad situation. It is also unlikely that they will discover new interests or realize their full potentials.

If kids believe it is their right to be comfortable 100% of the time-- that they get to sit on the sidelines and watch if they don't see immediately that they will be successful or that their parents will excuse them if they just "don't feel like it"-- they will never learn that they are strong enough to cope in such situations and eventually become paralyzed in the face of uncertainty. They will never learn the pride associated with succeeding at something difficult and therefore, never understand what it is to be truly confident.

The fact of the matter is that kids are not going to magically transform into the kinds of adults we want them to be. They have to practice being these people. School is a safe place for them to do so. Work in a small group with kids they don't know or like? Nope. It won't be fun, but they might just see that other kids have talents they might not. Having to take drama in order to get to the visual art component of the rotation? Yeah. It might make a shy kid uncomfortable, but they might also learn that performing for an audience isn't going to kill them. Having to read Shakespeare? Sure. They might not completely "get" it all, but they might also realize that teens from 500 years ago also suffered from unrequited love and self-esteem issues.

And even if in the worst case scenario, these kids take no immediate lesson from these exercises, at the very least, they will be able to hold a conversation with someone with whom they share nothing in common (important when that person is their boss), know that public speaking really isn't their bag and avoid applying for a job that will require it, and be able to make it through that document they have to read for work, even if it is boring and seems like it needs a translator.

It is true. I hated going to church as a kid. But for one hour a week, I learned how to sit still, and listen (or at least appear to listen) and those skills have been invaluable in my life. I also hated that when we went to other peoples' homes for a meal I was expected to be polite, try everything, and not protest eating unusual foods (read: vegetables) as I would at home. But because my parents didn't cater to my every whim and pack me an alternative supper or let me eat nothing but a bun, I learned to enjoy many foods I wouldn't have otherwise and am healthier now because of the variety in my diet. Now, I don't plan to make N go to church in order to teach her self-control and listening skills, but I will take her to other cultural institutions that will require her to behave differently than she does at home. And while I would never force N to clean her plate, I do plan to be steadfast in my commitment to exposing her to a wide variety of colours, textures, and tastes. I also plan to teach her that sometimes being uncomfortable is necessary to ensure the comfort of others such as when we are appreciative for foods others have prepared even when we may not like them.

Now, if instead of practicing to be the kinds of adults they hope to be (presumably productive, responsible, polite ones), kids instead practice ditching their responsibilities when they get tough or when they'd rather be playing Call of Duty, they will eventually perfect that skill.

On several occasions recently, I have had this conversation with students. I ask them to consider the kind of person they want to become. How close are they now to being that person? Do they hope to hold down a job? If so, they will have to show up, even on days they don't feel like it. Do they hope to have enough money to be a homeowner or to have nice things? If so, they will have to learn to think ahead and delay gratification. Do their current behaviours (skipping school, not completing assignments, procrastinating, etc.) resemble the behaviours of the person they want to be? If not, why not? Sometimes, kids don't care enough about themselves to see the big picture here, so I try another tactic. I ask them to imagine the kind of person they hope to spend the rest of their lives with. Are they funny? Are they smart? Are they loyal? Are they caring? Are they passionate? Are they motivated? Do they keep their promises? Will they pull their weight in terms of finances and responsibilities? Yes? Well what are you doing to earn that kind of partner? Are you good enough to deserve someone like that? If you were someone else, would you trust someone like yourself with your heart and your future? What have you done lately that would demonstrate your worthiness? Quitting your job because your boss was a "douche" who wouldn't let you have the night off to go drinking with your friends, having your parents phone in and excuse you for "skip day," lying about why your assignment isn't done, cheating off your friend's work because you couldn't be bothered to do it yourself... are these the behaviours you want your future love to judge you for? Arrogance, dishonesty, laziness? Because that is what you are practicing to become.

So while I think education should strive to be engaging and relevant, I recognize that it can't be all the time for every kid. That is not my short coming and I will not carry that weight on my conscience. If students can't sit through a boring lesson or be bothered to do a task that, in all their adolescent wisdom and experience, they don't find immediately relevant, it is a problem, but it isn't mine.

It feels callous writing it here. Maybe I'm out of line (I'm expecting you to tell me if I am), but right now it is how I feel. Maybe it's just time for summer.

Food for Thought

2010-05-31T20:25:00.002-06:00

So what does it say about the state of the world when "l8ter" is a word in my phone's T9 dictionary, but I have to add "spinach" and "zucchini" because it doesn't recognize them?

Walking the Talk

2010-05-08T20:30:00.003-06:00

I, like so many others, spend a lot of time pondering and pontificating about matters over which I have little or no control. Politics, culture, education, the economy (ok, not the economy. I know enough to know that I know absolutely NOTHING about that), other people's relationships... "If I were in charge..." I do this knowing full well that things are never as simple as they seem from the outside and that the solutions I suggest would probably introduce a host of new problems that I had not foreseen and I continue to do it knowing full well that I will never actually have to act on any of it.

In one regard, though, this is about to change.

No, I have not been proclaimed Ruler of All or even Deputy Ruler of All, but I do have a new job description. Sort of.

Next year, I will be embarking on an experiment in education. Two other amazing teachers and I will be responsible for 75 students for three classes a day, all year (we will each have an additional class per semester outside of this, but they will be more traditional in nature). We will teach them English Language Arts, Social Studies, French, and a survey of Practical and Applied Arts, Fine Arts, and Technology. Our hope is to do this in as integrated a way as possible without sacrificing skill development.

This arrangement is in response to a push to do things differently in our classrooms. It's no secret that traditional classrooms ("cells and bells" as some may call it) fail to meet the needs of many of our students and that they haven't kept up with the social, cultural, and technological changes in our world. Innovation like this isn't new-- many schools (including C's) have been doing things like this for a while-- but it is new to me.

Though I have long claimed that I wanted to do things differently as an educator, I have never had this big of an opportunity. Sure, I could try this or that with one class of kids for an hour a day, but the constraints of one-teacher-one-room were limiting and discouraging. When this chance arose, I jumped at it. Three times. It took three big ideas with three different groups of teachers to get me where I am and I just got word yesterday that it is a go.

It's time for me to put-up or shut-up and while the risk of it all makes me nervous, I recognize how greatly we stand to be rewarded. If we do this well, 75 students stand to have the learning experience of a lifetime. If we do this well, we can help put to rest lingering skepticism about this kind of change. If we do this well, the job satisfaction I experience stands to increase exponentially. If we do this well, I might finally feel like I deserve to be recognized as the kind of teacher some already think I am.

I can't honestly say if I have ever been this excited professionally. I can't wait to get started!

What I have learned from giving assignments...

2010-04-20T09:38:00.001-06:00

If you ever have information you want to keep from children or teenagers, simply write it on a paper, hand it to them, tell them it is VERY important, read it aloud and ask them to follow along.

The Value of Nothing

2010-04-12T22:28:00.001-06:00

Another great link from Working:

Never go to bed angry... unless you are just pretending...

2010-03-06T09:54:00.004-06:00

C and I often argue jokingly. It's kind of therapeutic. It helps us to make light of our own irrational frustrations and takes the heat out of our more serious "discussions." Here is an example from last night. You will need to know that 1. I frequently accuse C of failed attempts at plotting my demise (this is funnier than it sounds in writing), 2. many nights as of late I have woken up with little to no covers on my side of the bed and 3. Chris's memory isn't his best trait.

C: (entering the room) Thanks for fixing the covers.

S: (scoffing) Well, it's not like I would let you do it... cover thief.

C: (handing me the Vicks) If I had so much malice for you, would I do nice things like bring you the Vicks?

S: (spotting some schmutz on the side of the container) Oh, I know you want it to seem like a kind gesture, but your ruse is up.

C: Ruse?

S: What do you have to say about THIS?

C: What IS that?

S: Don't play dumb with me. It's peanut butter! Aka another failed attempt on my life.

C: (voice dripping with sarcasm) Yeeessss, Sleeves. I put peanut butter on the vicks in the hopes that you were allergic and would rub it all over your throat causing anaphalactic shock and then I would have the covers all to myself! Muhahahahaha.

S: I realize that your tone is intended to point out the unlikeliness of my little theory, but I would like for you to offer one REASONABLE explanation for there being PEANUT BUTTER on the VICKS.

C: I forgot I got some on it when it was next to the toaster.

S: You? Forget? IMPOSSIBLE! You never forget...

C: Well now you're just being sarcastic.

S: You're basically like an elephant!

C: (thinking)

S: You never forget a thing!

C: I would argue that elephants and I have absolutely nothing in common.

S:Oh really. Ever see a little movie called DUMBO?

C: Actually, I...

S: Doesn't matter if you have-- all you need is the title!

C: Touche.

S: Good night, Dumbo.

C: Good night, Crazy.

Washington Post Article: For women in America, equality is still an illusion

2010-02-22T15:21:00.003-06:00

This isn't the kind of world I want N growing up in...

"In Iraq, women serving in the military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire."

Teaching is Poetry

2010-02-12T08:53:00.002-06:00

Taylor Mali is both a teacher and a poet. His work is the subject of much of his craft and what he does, he does very well. I thought I would share some of his work with you-- straight from the horse's mouth.

Taking a Stand Against Man's Last Stand

2010-02-11T18:46:00.005-06:00

In case you didn't catch it or notice the pervasive theme throughout, this year's Superbowl was jam-packed with ads depicting men as a terribly oppressed group and egging them on to take back their manhood from all the evil women who have stolen it.

Here is one of many examples:

And here is a response to it.

I would make further commentary, but I'm not sure it's necessary. I will say this: thank god I am not married to, nor do I associate with the type of men advertisers construct/hope to have identify with their tired stereotypes.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

2010-02-06T14:45:00.001-06:00

Thank you to Tyler for putting into words exactly how I feel about this Facebook phenomenon...

I'll be a post-feminist in the post-patriarchy.

2010-01-26T08:32:00.004-06:00

I follow a lot of blogs. The list changes frequently as I easily tire when things get repetitive (big ups to those of you who continue to follow this blog!). Recently, I have been reading Feministing. I appreciate the ability of the contributors and editors to filter the world in such a focused way. There are times when I struggle with this tunnel vision as well, but when you read a feminist blog about feminism, it's pretty hard to ask them to write about anything else.

Reading Feministing has really opened my eyes to the gravity of certain issues and how they continue to plague women in spite of how far we have come. For example, I had no idea that abortion was still such a contentious issue in the United States. I really take for granted that, at least where I live, one can walk into a Planned Parenthood without fear of being verbally assaulted by protesters.

I realize things aren't perfect here and as someone who has never been in the position of requiring an abortion, I can have really no idea just what challenges women may encounter in such a process. I can, however, appreciate the fact that I received an incredible sex education in school and was never forced to endure religiously based propaganda about abstinence and fear mongering about sexual activity.

In case you, like me, are in the dark about how serious this issue is, here are some pretty powerful pieces that Feministing brought to my attention:

The results of a year long under cover investigation into a pregnancy crisis centre:

Transcript plus citation of facts.

The Onion's take on recent laws that force women to undergo an ultrasound before receiving an abortion.

New Law Requires Women To Name Baby, Paint Nursery Before Getting Abortion

Pics and video of anti-choice protesters posing as escorts outside clinics.

Stories from abortion clinic escorts about their experiences trying to help women enter clinics.

Discussion on how health care reform will limit women's access to abortions.

Edit:

One more video for you all...

Orwell is rolling in his grave...

2010-01-25T19:09:00.002-06:00

They're trying to ban dictionaries, folks! DICTIONARIES. Heaven forbid kids learn accurate definitions rather than school-yard interpretations.

SERIOUSLY. Just because they can't SPELL oral sex doesn't mean they're not doing it in the bathroom.

Oh, hey, sorry, could you catch me up? I haven't been paying attention since the 50s... Oh wait, nothing's changed? Sweet.

2010-01-22T10:17:00.004-06:00

I make a conscious effort to give others the benefit of the doubt. My philosophies of life are based on assumption that the majority of humans are good, caring, genuine souls.

I just wish I wasn't constantly inundated with evidence to the contrary. Compartmentalization takes a lot of effort.

Seriously? A whites only basketball league?

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

2010-01-15T15:20:00.002-06:00

As you may or may not recall, I had a bit of a standoff with the weather in the fall and made some pretty serious demands. I'm not going to take full credit, but I do find it an interesting coincidence that since I laid down the law with Mother Nature, she has been incredibly cooperative.

November was amazing. We had walks around the lake in our fall gear. Though we have had a couple cold snaps since the start of December, they haven't sunk in for weeks.

And you can't deny that this week has been such a rare treat-- especially for January, which is typically the most frigid of months. N and I have been going for walks, folks. This is no joke.

Don't worry, I haven't been lulled into a total state of complacency. Spring and summer still have to meet my demands before I hold up my end of the bargain.

I'm just saying that things are off to a very good start...

This one's for you, Patrick...

2010-01-09T22:27:00.001-06:00

For my favourite newsie-- don't you wish news were this exciting today?

See more funny videos and Entertainment Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Merry Christmas!

2010-01-04T16:06:00.006-06:00

In the past month, several people, in casual conversation with me, have lamented the fact that they can "no longer say Merry Christmas [because they have to be politically correct or risk offending people of other religions]."

Not one of them referenced specific incidents where they did, in fact, wish someone a Merry Christmas and had a negative response. Most of them mentioned how they would "never be offended if someone were to wish them a 'Happy Ramadan'" and wished that "others" would be as accepting of the dominant culture as they clearly were of minority cultures.

I am so exasperated with debates like these. You know, the ones that are based on a fictitious premise.

Yes. Public schools have Winter Concerts, not Christmas Concerts because they are PUBLIC and not affiliated with a particular religion. That being said, go to any high school Choir concert and you will hear primarily church choir tunes all about Jesus. But if you want to guarantee a Christian celebration, send your kid to a Christian school. It is your right.

Yes. Businesses sometimes adopt a Season's Greetings campaign rather than a Wish Jesus a Happy Birthday campaign and use Santa instead of a baby in a manger as a mascot, so as not to alienate their customers who are atheist or of another religion. This is an economic decision, not one made under duress.

I have yet to hear any actual cases of one person being berated or assaulted for wishing another person a Merry Christmas. My guess is, it never actually happens. This whole Christmas crisis was constructed by right wing talk radio DJs and adopted by all those who desire to believe that they are sooooo much more enlightened than anyone of any other culture even though they bitch about having to be so tolerant on Facebook.

What those who believe garbage like this need to realize, is that INclusion and EXclusion are not the same thing. Including other cultures means that we acknowledge their beliefs, and give them the freedom to practise them. It means not letting the dominant culture silence minority voices. It does not mean exluding all cultures and silencing the dominant voice so everyone is equally oppressed.

If you want to wish someone a Merry Christmas, by all means, do it. Just don't be surpised when they don't even bat an eye.

Hide and Go Seek

2009-12-28T20:06:00.003-06:00

It started innocently enough.

C sent me a gmail chat even though he was sitting three feet away:

C: When do you want to watch the movie?

me: I'd rather play a game

C: What game?

me: hide and go seek. You go hide

Chris: okay.

count to 150

me: 1

100

101

102

103

104

105

106

107

108

109

110

111

112

113

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115

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117

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148

woops

149

...

wait

why am I counting?

Where did you go?

weird

K, I'm gonna go get scrabble

meet me at the kitchen table in a few

Sent at 7:42 PM on Monday

It is now 8:08. He's been hiding under the covers in the bedroom. I, on the other hand, went downstairs, found Scrabble, tidied the kitchen, set up the game, made popcorn (in the bedroom where he is "hiding" so as not to wake N), and wrote this blog entry. I hear him stirring. I guess the battle of funny wills is over...

C: I hate you.
me: lol

Sesame Street is my new favourite show...

2009-12-26T19:04:00.001-06:00

Bahahahahahahaha!

If Only I Were Thin Enough to Receive Unwanted Sexual Attention! Sigh...

2009-12-10T18:42:00.003-06:00

Have you seen this Inches-a-Weigh commercial?

"I was whistled at by a construction worker for the first time since college and this time, I liked it! All thanks to Inches-a-Weigh!"

Here's hoping after you lose the next ten, he slaps your ass or grabs your breast without your permission. Then you'll really be flying high.

Open Season

2009-12-06T09:06:00.005-06:00

I don't want to make a poor comparison, but as I watched this, all I could think about was all of the media attention paid to H1N1 over the last while. It was everywhere. Mothers were in a panic about whether or not to vaccinate, how to protect their children. It was the topic of conversation wherever people gathered.

Could you imagine if the violence against First Nations women (and women all over the globe) were given that kind of attention? If those kinds of resources were poured into it because it was considered an emergency? But since those who make decisions are immune to this epidemic, it never will be. Rich, powerful men-- the majority of our government-- will never experience the symptoms-- the fever of fear when they have to walk alone, the nausea of anticipation when their spouses comes home, eyes watering with the sting left by a fist to the face, noses stuffed with the dried blood from a beating, chests tight from being kidnapped, victimized, and left for dead.

Left to fight with few resources, those at highest risk to be victimized are left without care or attention, let alone a preventative method of protection. Regardless of whether we are high risk, low risk, or no risk, we need to care about this problem. With attention and resources, we can beat it. We can stop this epidemic in its tracks.

OPEN SEASON from Raquel Chapa on Vimeo.

Remember, too, that women need help all over the globe. Though I'm not a fan of seasonal charity, it is that time of year when it is so easy to get caught up in the stress of materialism. Here's a gift registry for women that are much less picky and going to be much more thankful than the rest of the people on your list. Consider giving to them, too.

As I was Saying...

2009-12-04T15:33:00.001-06:00

Uganda set to pass anti-gay bill, appease donors

By Jack Kimball

KAMPALA, Dec 2 (Reuters) - Uganda is likely to pass a bill criminalising homosexuality in the east African nation and deal a blow to rights activists, but the act will have some changes to appease donors who fund about a third of the budget. (click to continue reading)

We Won the Battle, but the War Wages On

2009-12-04T11:51:00.001-06:00

The Problem with Porn

2009-12-01T09:00:00.006-06:00

According to Details magazine, 90% of 8-16 year olds have seen online porn. I have no idea the actual reliability of this statistic, but for the sake of this discussion, let us presume that a rising, unacceptable number of children and teens have been exposed to pornography online. I truly believe the online part is crucial, because rest assured, they're not looking at Playboy (the most benign of porn brands).

The article discusses how porn-savvy the boys are (in terms of their ability to classify and rate what they are consuming) are and how porn-ready the girls are (in terms of their ability to recreate what they have seen). I find these details incredibly disturbing. But the fact remains that the sexualization of children is nothing new; the prevalence and omnipresence of it is, on the other hand. The actual act of viewing pornography is nothing in and of itself. It is the causes and effects of this act that beg an interrogation of the issue.

I am going to qualify my argument, now, with the fact that besides Sociology 100 and an English course that focused on modern British women playwrights featuring feminist plays from the 70s many of which focused on the issue of pornography, I have no expertise with this issue. But that's not going to stop me from taking a look at it.

So what are the causes behind this trend? Availability, for sure. I'm sure that all the studies that have been done with food that demonstrate that the more options you have the more you consume would also apply to porn. It's not just one magazine featuring individuals in the buff some teen managed to steal from the drugstore-- it's an infinite number of individuals, pairs, and groupings in every sexual situation imaginable. It's still frame. It's digitally recorded. It's live. It's interactive. It's crazy. And just as increased availability has created eating disorders, so, too must porn be creating sexual disorders.

Another cause? Misguided feminism. The empowerment of female sexuality was an important component of the Feminist movement, no doubt. Women should be in charge of their own bodies-- to be the ones to decide how and when it would be used, to have their pleasure be a priority in sexual relationships, to determine whether or not they want to procreate. However, the tit-for-tat mentality around men's sexual behaviours-- if they can do it so can we-- needs to be examined critically. Just because men were championed for sleeping around, does not mean that women are equal if they are, too. Perhaps instead of seeking to be at par with males, the idea should be to hold them to the same standard as females rather than sinking to their level. Going out to the bar, getting hammered, and taking home someone whose name you don't know and whose face you'd rather not look at in the morning is not an empowering act, no matter your gender. Using your sexuality to get jobs you don't otherwise deserve or sexually manipulating those over whom you have authority does not make you more powerful, in fact it highlights your weaknesses. Showing your private parts (whether penises or breasts) publicly does not earn you respect. Sending somone a picture or video of yourself in compromising positions will not make them love you, but it sure will make you infamous. Being able to give amazing oral sex is not something you can put on your resume, unless you are a porn star, which in my mind is tantamount to being a professional hot dog eating contestant.

On top of all this, in my humble opinion, kids have too much free time-- especially unsupervised and online. Honestly. If they didn't, this might not be such an issue. Kids used to have way more responsibilities that took up their time. Kids also used to do their homework, and those who didn't dropped out of school and got jobs. I'm in no way trying to romanticize those days, but simply trying to point out: when kids don't even have to so much as take out the trash, they have plenty of idle time. And you know what they say about idle hands... Seriously, though, kids used to experience what it was to learn something and get good at it through repetition. The trivialization of manual ("menial") labour robbed kids of the experience of seeing a job from start to finish, of the joy that comes from creation. Kids need satisfaction and if they're not going to get it from school or from work, they're going to seek it elsewhere. The inherent need to master skills has led them to "master" their sexualities.

Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to villainize nudity or expressions of healthy sexuality. But there is a spectrum of value to be placed on erotic media and sexual behaviours. From Harlequins to Hardcore, there's a wide range and I am not afraid to deem some of it unhealthy. If sexuality is addressed in a realistic manner in literature or a film, within a context beyond just getting it on, I'm all for it. I can say for certain, though, that rape fantasies and beastiality are not just bad taste, but completely unacceptable. Another way to look at it is that, generally speaking, I oppose violence. But in the same way that I wouldn't mind my child watching a martial arts demonstration by experts but would mind them witnessing someone getting jumped in an alley, I think that there is a time and a place for sexuality to be discussed and explored and that there are some forms that the world would be better without.

So why is porn a problem? First, it teaches kids that sexual manipulation is a desirable form of power, when in fact, like violence and money it is an illegitimate source that does nothing to build character or self-esteem. While it may feel powerful to seduce someone purely for your use, once the act is complete, there is no lasting agency of influence. Like a drug, you will need another hit.

Second, it objectifies, commodifies, and dehumanizes the concept of a sexual partner, which makes it difficult to empathize with them. After all, why would you identify with a sex toy? And if you can't empathize with your sexual partner, what hope do you have to ever develop true intimacy? We wonder why marriages are failing; this may just be a contributing factor.

On a global scale, if sexual partners are simply tools for your gratification, why would you care about the millions of sex slaves and rape victims world wide? While it is atrocious to me that kids are having their sexual identities corrupted by these unrealistic and demented portrayals of sex, my heart aches for girls sold by their families to brothel owners and boys imprisoned with pedophiles. Pornography, especially that online, is inextricably linked to the global sex trade-- from child pornographers hiding in anonymity, to girls who are tricked into thinking that this might be a way out of poverty.

Usually, I agree with the "what goes on in your bedroom is none of my business" philosophy, but when porn leaves the bedrooms of consenting adults and enters the world in which our children play and victimizes the most vulnerable in our midst, it should become our business. Something needs to be done.

Let Working Dogs Work

2009-11-29T21:37:00.000-06:00

White Knights are Old News

2009-11-27T14:08:00.003-06:00

You know what I really want to see? More movies about someone who isn't white saving someone who is...

Don't get me wrong. I can see the human message in titles like these...

Blackboard Jungle
To Kill a Mockingbird
Dangerous Minds
Freedom Writers
Entre les murs
Blindside

I realize that there is more at play here in terms of class issues and disproportional representation of minority groups living in poverty, but I really do believe in the power of film to alter the public's perception of what is normal and what is not. It would be nice for it to be normal for people of racial minorities to be in a position other than victim in this genre of film.

Comments on News Stories

2009-11-23T18:06:00.001-06:00

I've got a bone to pick with online news. Whose great idea was it to allow any nincompoop with an account to comment on news stories? I have yet to come up with an ends that justifies providing a platform for ignoramuses to be so damn inflammatory and insensitive.

Though we don't live in one, in an ideal world, news is an objective reporting of facts. I accept that news can never be completely free from bias, but I don't believe it should stop trying. If I wanted conjecture, sarcasm, right-fighting, and conspiracy theories, I would read letters to the editor, head down to a local coffee shop, turn on The View or Fox News, or read blogs. When I choose to read the news, that's what I want. News.

Now, it's partially my own fault for scrolling down to the comments, but it is like a terrible accident off the news-highway that I just have to see. Leave it to these keen commenters to completely ignore the humans involved in a given story and instead push their own agendas. Seriously-- a baby falls to its death and you want to speculate that the mother did it on purpose? The CBC thinks that is worth printing for all the world to see? Dozens of people are slaughtered in the Philippines and you chose this forum to foist your anti-Muslim sentiments? I'm definitely more informed now, after that racist rant!

In the digital world there are endless venues at which the "average Joe(anne)" can spout off-- Facebook statuses, Twitter, blogs, forums, chat rooms, custom designed pages for their own special brand of propaganda. Isn't that enough? Can't we just leave the news alone?

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

2009-11-17T07:59:00.000-06:00

Way to go, little buddy.

Self-[Redemption] Deprecation

2009-11-13T16:09:00.004-06:00

Have you seen that episode of The Office where Jim teaches Michael that self-deprecation can make people forget or at least forgive your mistakes? Of course, Michael takes it too far by admitting that he couldn't even think of five friends to add to his cell phone plan and instead of winning everyone over he just makes everyone incredibly uncomfortable.

I digress.

What is it about self-deprecation that is so disarming? It's like anyone, no matter how awful their transgressions, gets a get-get-out-of-jail-free-card if they just drop their ego for a couple minutes and admit they're jackasses.

Take Jon Gosselin, for example. In case you are not keeping up with the whole saga, here's the Cole's Notes:

Dude marries young. He and Kate have twins. Then they have sextuplets. Along comes reality TV show. Five years later, he's fed up and leaves with a 22 year old school teacher. He has multiple girlfriends, buys one boobs, and starts snorting coke and partying with girls in bikinis. Dude goes on national television and says he despises his estranged wife after like less than a month of separation. During his visitation with his kids, he gets a babysitter (who he happens to be diddling) to look after them so he can go out and party more, refusing to let their mother do the babysitting. He steals over $200 thousand from their bank account after he is fired by TLC.

Definition of jackass.

But then he goes and makes this Funny or Die video and it's a little harder for me to hate him. I mean, I still do and it's not THAT hard, but it is slightly more difficult. What's up with that?

Jon Gosselin Goes Back in Time from Jon Gosselin

In case you haven't gotten the message yet...

2009-11-12T09:13:00.003-06:00

PLEASE take a minute and vote for this project. After you register, you can vote once a day per email address and it only lasts a few more days. They were in the top ten all last week, but the weekend, the Stat, and parent teacher interviews killed them as their kids did not have access to internet while they were away. It is such a worthy cause-- just read the description and you will see what I mean.

Lest We Forget

2009-11-10T22:46:00.002-06:00

So I was reading our Staff Announcements and "The Week Ahead" section looked like this:

Monday:
Volleyball Tournament

Tuesday:
Remembrance Day Ceremony P.2/P.3
Career Fair

Wednesday:
Remembrance Day!

Thursday:
School Dance

Friday:
Math Meeting

I realize teachers work hard and this day off is going to provide some much needed rest, but seriously. Worst exclamation use ever.

Poetry Fail

2009-11-10T15:18:00.001-06:00

I know. I'm a sucky blogger, but I just haven't cared enough about anything to write lately. I'll work on that. In the mean time, you watch this.

Kinetic Typography-- Mad as Hell!

2009-11-08T15:51:00.005-06:00

Technology catches a lot of flack for wrecking all that is good and of merit and artistic in the world. Pieces like this remind me that, like any medium, technology is a tool. Whether it is used for good or for bad, for the significant or the trivial is up to the crafts[hu]man.

Mad As Hell! Kinetic Typography from Aaron Leming on Vimeo.

Housego + International School Preteens + B.E.P. = Scholastic Fun!

2009-11-04T10:13:00.003-06:00

My dear, dear friend Housego, who I miss terribly, always manages to make (of all things!) middle school band cool enough to make me wish I was 13 again. He knows how to make kids feel really, really important in a world that constantly tries to tell them otherwise. That's magic.

Honestly, show of hands-- how many of you ever got to do something this cool in middle school?

Favourite Ellen Moment of the Week

2009-10-29T10:14:00.002-06:00

Watch to the end of the video.

The UnDiet

2009-10-25T20:19:00.001-06:00

If anyone ever tries to sell you on a diet that involves eating as much peanut-butter, chocolate, bread, ice cream, and cheese and drinking as much wine and coffee with 10% cream and sugar as you want, don't buy it. That's pretty much been my diet for the past 2 months and it definitely does not help weight loss...

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2009-10-23T18:40:00.002-06:00

Here is a fine example of thoughtful, respectful, and persuasive argument, written by a librarian in response to a patron who had hoped to have the book Uncle Bobby's Wedding removed from the Children's section.

Delightful Consquences: Why the Art of Persuasion Needs Our Attention

2009-10-22T09:20:00.008-06:00

This made me cry this morning.

It also forced me to type out this post that has been brewing in my mind for a while now. As you watch the video, please notice, there is no anger in his voice. He is not spitting vile in the face of those who disagree. He is not calling names or being accusatory. He is stating his case... very persuasively.

The issue I am going to touch on now is one that I am guilty of, and thus will be employing the term "we" when discussing those who have committed this crime against the art of argument.

I can't say whether this is a new issue or a growing issue because I only know the times in which I have lived (a mere 28 years) and the internet has existed for the majority of those years. I believe that sometimesnew technologies can make certain behaviours appear to be more prevalent than in years past, when they are actually just more visible and have been there all along. That being said, I believe the increased visibility can also cause the behaviours to become more prevalent.

Get to the point, Sleeves.

It seems to me that the art of argument and, particularly, persuasion is a dying one. In this cyber world, everyone can have an opinion, and we do. We can share them with the click of a mouse. Little or no time is spent in the writing process-- outlining, drafting, revision, etc. (and I recognize that what that is looks different for everyone, but just writing willy-nilly and hitting "Publish" at the end is not what I would consider a process). True, there are those out there who, as aspiring writers, allow their ideas to marinade before firing up the grill, but for too many of us, we turn on the heat before the meat is even out of the freezer and proceed to burn our ideas and opinions to a crisp with our anger and rage. I don't care how good the cut of meat, if you char its outside, leave it cold in the middle and huck it on a plate without any care for presentation, no one is going to want to eat it. My apologies to the vegetarians for my metaphor.

Our writing, though subject-centered in our own minds (I am going to write a post about *insert controversial topic here*), becomes writer centered when we put our hands to the keyboard. It becomes about us... being right. We make it personal and so we are immediately on the defensive rather than the offensive. This defensive stance summarily turns off anyone who does not already agree with us and it becomes a case of preaching to the choir. And what is the point of that?

I teach a class that focuses on rhetoric and the art of expository writing. The first year I taught it, I was learning right along side the students because even though I had taken Expository and Persuasive Writing in university, there was so much that I was never taught. The growth that I saw, not only in my students' writing, but also in their thinking and their abilities to discuss and debate in mature and respectful ways convinced me of the value of this skill. Too bad the only students who take the class are our Advanced Placement kids (read: 15 out of 200). Too bad that when students head off to university, they are forced to sit through English 100 classes that focus on the prof's favourite literature selections rather than actually teaching students how to think and write critically for real life purposes. Yes, contrary to popular discourse, the skills learned through essay writing are necessary for real life.

Formulating an argument is something each and every person does every day, whether they have learned the skills associated with it or not. It is a damn shame that these skills are often ignored and kids are left to either get it tacitly or not at all.

Watch The View, read the Letters to the Editor, blog search any hot topic, visit any forum discussion and you will find that so much time and energy is dedicated to Right Fighting. "I am right. You are wrong. End of discussion." It helps no one to grow. It brings us no closer to common ground. In fact, it is totally divisive.

This attitude of "I know best and if you disagree with me you can go to hell" completely ignores the audience and if we're not writing for an audience, what is the point of using a public medium for your message? Even if you are simply "sharing" your story, "sharing" implies someone will share in it. Do we want to limit those who will receive our message with our self-righteousness? Or do we want to reach those who have not yet been reached?

We must consider that someone may oppose our stance for a reason other than ignorance, idiocy, or douchebaggery (yes, douchebaggery-- blog search it and you will see that it has become a pandemic. I wonder if there is a vaccine for it...). It takes time and critical thinking, but if we take the time to figure out why on earth someone might think differently, we will be one step closer to writing a thoughtful, respectful, persuasive piece that might convince them otherwise. Of course, there is always the danger of discovering that *gasp* WE were wrong or not entirely correct in our initial assumptions and then WE might have to qualify what WE say or change how WE act or GROW for goodness sake! We might become better in our quest to better the world. The consequences could be... delightful.

CrossFit Workout of the Day: Grindy

2009-10-21T09:57:00.009-06:00

This is what my noon hour looked like:

35 lb Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk... Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk... Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk.

Ring-row*, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up*, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

35 lb Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row, Ring-row.

Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up, Modified push-up.

Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat, Squat.

35 lb Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk, Clean and Jerk.

Except some of the commas were more like ellipses... looooooooong ellipses.............................................................

It took one guy 15 minutes to complete. It took me 40 minutes. And 52 seconds. I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

*The prescribed workout was actually 10 Clean and Jerks with 65 lbs, plus 5 pull-ups, 10 standard push-ups, 15 squats (5 rounds), Repeat, and add one more round of C&Js.

Baby Survives Being Run Over By Train

2009-10-16T11:58:00.002-06:00

The baby is okay. I don't know that I would be if that happened to N...

Stranger Than Fiction

2009-10-15T13:24:00.009-06:00

Once upon a time, there was a family building an experimental helium flying device in their backyard. As children are prone to be, the son of the family was curious and had a vivid imagination. One day, he climbed into the device and untied the ropes that secured it to the ground. Now he is floating over Colorado, thousands of feet in the air and no one can get him down.

You can't make this shit up.

Let's hope he lands safely and lives happily ever after.

***UPDATE***

There was no child in the aircraft when it crashed. No word on whether he was never in it or if he fell out.

***UPDATE 2***

We live in a disgusting world. We don't even know if the kid is dead or alive, but you can get a "commemorative" t-shirt.

And this is a video featuring the family who were apparently participants on Wife Swap.

***FINAL UPDATE***

They did it for attention. They should go to jail and the kids should be taken away.

Look at Me!

2009-10-15T08:56:00.003-06:00

I'm trying to decide if these new fangled cameras with the viewing screen on both sides indicate a new level of narcissism or if they are just enabling us to be as narcissistic as we have always been. Personally, I love the self-photo, in fact, our monthly family portraits are always taken by C's left hand. The key to a good self photo is not taking yourself seriously in them I HATE those facebook profile pics where it is obvious that the individual has just spent hours in front of their webcam taking 6000 pics, adjusting each strand of hair and trying to ensure that their eyes are smizing and their lips are pouting just so.It makes me so embarrassed for them. HEY! YOUR PRETENSION IS SHOWING!

I thought I would have more to write here, but turns out not. Maybe more will come to me later...

This video's so good it didn't need autotune... oh wait...

2009-10-11T23:04:00.001-06:00

AutoTune Makes Everything Better

2009-10-11T22:34:00.000-06:00

Away We Go

2009-10-05T15:09:00.005-06:00

Have you seen Away We Go? If not, I'm not going to tell you that you should, but I am going to say that it wouldn't be the worst thing you ever did.

We have a list on our fridge of every movie with a trailer that even remotely interested us so that on nights when N goes to bed on time and we're not in the mood for company, we can scroll through the movies listed and pick one that might not suck.

Away We Go was on the list for both its subject and its cast (and had I have known Dave Eggers author of What is the What was one of the writers, I probably would have been even more eager to see it). John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph play a couple, expecting their first child, traveling around North America, trying to find a place to call home. It has a very Indy feel and at first, that scared me. See, C and I often choose no-name movies with Big Name stars (you know, the kinds filmed here) in the hopes that it will turn out to be a diamond in the rough. We're not anti-main-stream or anything, we just like to try other streams every now and again... Anyhow, we're usually wrong and end up regretting the five bucks we paid for it. We've seen a lot of bad movies.

The first fifteen minutes gave me enough hope to see it through and I'm glad I did. It was unexpected. Not only did we get the ride we asked for (to see these two comic actors being wryly clever, in a plot we could both relate to and escape into), but we got more, too. See, they traveled around North America (something C and I do in our minds monthly), but they also traveled the spectrum of parenting philosophies and familial definitions through their various hosts. Being in the midst of that presently made me appreciate the characters and charicatures they encounter all the more.

If you plan on settling down with one person and perhaps procreating (even accidentally!) at any point, you would probably enjoy this film. I will warn you, the opening scene is unexpected in an uncomfortable kind of way (don't watch it with your parents... or your kids...) and it can be quite crass throughout, unlike most crass films du jour, it all serves a purpose beyond shock and cheap laughs.

If you do see it, let me know what you think!

Lights, Camera, Action!

2009-09-27T12:42:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, we headed to Toontown for our friends' wedding. They held it at an old theatre on the city's hippest street and the programs were miniature movie posters. The ceremony was slightly unconventional with secular readings and some heartwarmingly sincere and incredibly sweet self-written declarations. Both bride and groom were stunning (and I have to tell you, I am not a shoe fiend by any means, but the killer red heels dawned by the bride made me drool). The musical selections were anything but cliched and even more poignant for being so. At the reception, instead of table numbers, the tables were named after all the places the couple had traveled. Appropriately, C and I were seated at Siem Reap. The toasts were all the perfect mix of nostaligic and humourous-- none too long or too brief. It really was an incredible event-- one that I think could only be born from maturity and confidence.

Half the way home, I gushed about how if we were to get married again how differently I would do it. It would be so much more about us and so much less about tradition and stereotypes. Don't get me wrong, our wedding was a very special day-- one that I still love to think about-- but it just got me thinking that maybe one special day to celebrate Us, when what we are is constantly evolving, may not be enough. I wonder if in 4 years we will be ready for another one... what do you think about a 10 year vow renewal?

I'm Pretty Sure Fox News is Actually an Exercise in Irony. This Can't be for Real.

2009-09-25T20:40:00.005-06:00

If this makes sense to anyone on this side of reality, I should be committed because, to me, the only way I buy it is if it is satire.

There's No Place Like Home

2009-09-25T14:40:00.004-06:00

This whole American health care debate has me totally up in arms (and I don't even have the right to bear them!). The CBC had some great stuff on this morning about it. I only caught snippets on my travels. The one bit featured two women, American by birth (like 4th and 5th generation) who are now trapped in Canada because while living here they (or their children) were diagnosed with a disease that now precludes them from going home because NO HEALTH INSURANCE PROVIDER WILL COVER THEM.

These are women whose families reside in California and who cannot go home. One of them is dying, folks, and she cannot even choose to die near her family because she would die homeless due to the costs associated with uninsured health care.

Need anyone say more? Apparently because some woman from Patients First was on defending the fact that they should continue to try to use the Free Market to provide. After all, it would be a total travesty to increase taxes and then have some people "pay twice" because they would be paying for public health care but then because of their wealth, be able to buy even better care for themselves.

I guess it just pisses me off so much because there are still people in this country who think we should privatize health care (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, ALBERTA!).

As I sit here, baffled by the (il)logical leaps these people are making to support their twisted view of a "dream" I wonder what I am blinded to because it is the way it has always been, I wonder what idiotic ideas I am supporting without realizing just how ridonculous they are.

I really wanted to write more here, but it seems such a waste of my time and energy since nothing I say will have any effect on anything and instead of being cathartic it will actually just get my panties in a more complicated knot.

And if pantie knot tying were worth a badge in Brownies, I totally would have had one. I'm a pro.

Me and My Shadow

2009-09-23T09:32:00.007-06:00

Grief is like a shadow. It's always there, only sometimes you don't notice it. It can be days or weeks or months before you remember its presence, but when you do you can't seem to forget that it has been there the whole time. Though literally weightless, the shadow's darkness and the impossibility of escape from it lend a gravity greater than any mass.

Like shadows, grief stretches out long before us in the early hours of the day and again at dusk-- in those quiet moments when routine distractions have yet to begin or after they have ended. And finally, at night, as we lie in the dark, only a matter of perspective separates those whose shadows disappear in the night, offering relief, and those whose shadows envelop them entirely until the morning light.

Shadows, too, can sneak up on you at the most unsuspecting times. Today, in the bedroom, playing with N, I turned and was faced with the photo of my Pop and me at my wedding. That photo is always there, I just haven't noticed it in a while. It was the last time I saw him alive. My own voice echoed in my mind, rationalizing the timing of our wedding because, "I [wanted] my Pop to be there." I didn't really think his time was close, but I knew he was still here and that I wanted him to see me walk down the aisle.

I thought about the fact that his home was the only permanent fixture of my childhood. Places have never meant that much to me because when you have lived in 16 dwellings in 28 years, it's hard to be attached. It hurt in that moment, knowing I could never go back to walk through his garden or fall asleep to the ticking of his wall clock.

I thought about all the ways he is still present in my life. He is the reason I have a garden growing in my backyard. He is the reason I am so damn good at cards. He is the reason I love raspberries more than any other fruit.

I began to talk to him, something I haven't done with my passed relatives since I was young. When I was little, I played tour guide to my grandmothers during the day and at night asked them to liaise with God on my behalf. I was so confident they could hear me. Today, I'm not so sure, but what's the harm?

"This is Norah," I thought, "You've never been formally introduced. I think she might have your blue eyes..."

Shadows never leave us. We can choose to be trapped by our grief or recognize it as a symbol of our shared love with those who have passed-- a reminder that though they are gone, a part of them will always be with us and that we have been granted the continued gift of life.

We only cast shadows when the light shines upon us.

Plain-Dealing Villains

2009-09-20T14:27:00.004-06:00

I love Shakespeare. I do. I mean, the title of this blog is no mistake. I love his plot lines, his characters, his style, his puns, his social criticisms... In my relationship with him, though, I have always struggled with one thing-- the lack of justifiable (IMO) motivation behind the villains Iago and Don John. I have taught both Othello and Much Ado and I always struggle to help my students understand why these scoundrels do what they do. While jealousy is mentioned by both Iago and Don John, it is only briefly referenced and pales in comparison to the jealousy of our tragic heroes, Othello and Claudio. To me, their desire to do evil has always seemed to be primarily motivated by the pleasure they anticipate in seeing others suffer.

And I always perceived this as a shortcoming of Shakespeare's work-- to me it made these characters seem flat and due to their seeming lack of complexity, I felt their verisimilitude suffered. That is, until now.

If you didn't watch the premiere of Survivor this week, you should. If for no other reason than to see a character, though not as subtle or cunning as Shakespeare's miscreants, motivated by nothing more than the joy of others' sorrow.

Russell is such an asshole (any surprise that he owns an oil company?). And I love it.

Let Ignorance Ring

2009-09-15T21:04:00.000-06:00

They speak for themselves...

Make Your Momma Proud... Or Not

2009-09-15T17:00:00.002-06:00

Well played, Jay.

MTV Shows

Kanye, you're still an asshole.

Takes One to Know One

2009-09-14T21:16:00.003-06:00

Following the announcement that George W. Bush would be speaking in our province, an old friend of C's launched a facebook page to organize protesters. The local paper interviewed him and wrote an article about it.

This message was left on his machine the day it was published. Even though it is unnecessary (but just in case the caller should find himself on this blog), I am going to point out the irony the caller blaming an entire subcontinent for an act committed by a few and suggesting that committing violence against all of them would solve the problem. That's exactly the mentality that caused the 9/11 attacks.

Funny that he's so angry about terrorists when their attitudes are so strikingly similar. Self loathing must suck.

Home Sweet Home

2009-09-10T10:37:00.002-06:00

We are at that time in our lives where most people we know are buying houses and/or having babies. This is awesome for us because we love houses and babies.

A few weekends ago we went Open House hunting with our pals S and J. Though they didn't find anything that trip, they recently bit the bullet and purchased a cute little place that will save them from the annoyances of renting and introduce them to lovely world of home ownership.

The process can be really nerve-racking and sometimes one partner's expectations are different from another's, much like in this video:

Here's hoping S & J's home inspection doesn't turn up any such monsters.

Mission Impossible

2009-09-01T11:48:00.005-06:00

There may be some cross-information in my posts here and at my mommy-blog with regards to my new fitness regime. I promise to treat the subject differently, but there may be some redundancies. All apologies to you dedicated readers who follow both blogs.

I've always been pretty fickle in my attempts to get fit. Combined with my steadfast dedication to sugar, fat, and salt (the trifecta of crappy eating, just ask David Kessler), I haven't been in any shape but round... ever...

To end this trend, I have joined CrossFit (or as the Aikman's put it, I drank the Kool-Aid). It scares the bejeezus out of me, but in a good way.

After taking my three Foundations classes to learn the basics, I went to my first "real" workout last Thursday. We begin with 2-3 rounds of 10 Squats, 10 Rise and Shines, 10 Push-Ups (or in my case push-up "negatives*"), 10 Sit-Ups, and 10 Pull-Ups (negatives*). After warming up, our instructions were to do 5 rounds of 5 bench presses with increasing weight, 50 leg pistols (single leg squats), and 5 rope climbs .

For the bench press, I started with 35 lbs, jumped to 45, went up to 48, and back down to 45 for my last two rounds. For the leg pistols, I tried a couple but my legs were still on fire from the foundations classes and my standard squats were even sucking, so I mostly just watched the others. For the rope climb, I watched in awe and then took the opportunity just to hang from the rope to "see what it feels like to support [myself] vertically."It lasted about 2.5 seconds.

This is how I came up with one of my goals for my time at Crossfit. I have never done a pull-up, but I know in my heart and brain that it is possible and that it will happen. I might even do two. I know push-ups are within my grasp. I know that the numbers I record for my weight-lifting will continue to rise. I'm confident I will be able to beat C in an arm wrestle at some point.

I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will never climb that rope. I will never feel the cold metal of the bell at the top against my finger. I will never look down on the gym from that height. How do I know? Because my mind, body, and soul are all in total agreement about that fact. Ask them separately or together, my gut, my brain, and my heart will all tighten with the same anxiety as they would if someone were to ask me to flap my arms until I lifted off. You can't argue with physics. It ain't happening, folks.

And because this fact presented itself to me as I watched others scurry to the top and again as I dangled for less than a breath before my arms were pulled from their sockets, I made a decision.

My goal for my time at CrossFit is to climb that rope and I'm not allowed to stop until I do (and by the time never rolls around, I'm pretty sure I won't want to quit anyhow).

*Negatives are exercises that help you gain the strength to do the real thing. I cannot do a standard push-up, so I get in plank position and lower myself to the floor as slowly as I can. I don't have to push back up. With pull ups, I jump to get my chin above the bar and then lower myself as slowly as I can (which is pretty much the same as falling at this point).

The Silence that Speaks Volumes

2009-08-31T11:22:00.007-06:00

Growing up, I used to lament that my family wasn't that close. I seldom knew what was going on in the lives of my parents and brothers. There was a lot of silence in our house. When issues did come to a head, there were brief moments of sound and fury, but we always returned to the tacitly understood quiet.

Or at least I thought I understood it. On any given day, I thought it meant my parents disapproved of me, were disappointed in me, didn't particularly like me, or were too busy for me. I used to covet my friends' relationships with their parents and how they could pour their hearts out to one another. Yet, every time I was given that opportunity, I promptly shut it down by clamming up or losing my cool. I didn't know how to speak up when we had been quiet for so long.

Over the years, experience and maturity brought me to a new understanding. Behind the quiet was not anger, but fear. Fear of making things worse, of saying the wrong thing. My parents wanted peace-- for all of us-- and this was how they saw to achieve it.

More recently, I have come to interpret the silence in yet another way. My parents didn't just leave out the positives, but they also bit their tongues on the negatives. The distance between us wasn't cold and unfeeling, it was respectful. They wanted me to make decisions for myself and learn lessons on my own.

When I decided to forgo university for a full-time retail job, all I got was one, "You're sure that's what you want?" and it was over. When I moved out of their basement and into a $400/month 2 bedroom with stolen cable and a busted security lock in a shady part of town, they raised their eyebrows slightly, let me know they cared about my safety, and then promptly shut up and helped me move. When, after just 4 months of dating I told them I was moving in with this C character, I got one sentence of caution and then the discussion was over. When we traveled to a job fair and told them one of our choice schools was in Colombia... well, then my dad lost his cool... but when we told them the jobs we accepted were in Cambodia, they were sad but supportive.

And this respect extends beyond our face to face interactions. It is a rare occasion when I can tell you exactly how my parents feel about any decision my brothers are making or even the actions of the other parent. When controversy does arise (which is pretty rare around our place), they make a point of staying out of it. They extend this treatment to our entire family and all of our family friends. Details of others' personal lives are rare and when they are provided, it is the facts that are given with no speculation or embellishment.

My parents are not meddlers. I know they have ideas about what is best (they're only human, after all), but they recognize that my life is not theirs to live. They trust the job they did as parents-- the values they espoused, the behaviours they modeled-- in combination with my own experiences and context to be my guide. While I'm sure they worry, they worry privately, not with the entire world begging to have others nod and empathize and tell them how right they are. They don't air our dirty laundry with anyone. If I want advice, I have to seek it out. And I do, because I know they truly care and will keep my confidence without me having to ask.

Now, as I see my friends seething over this passive aggressive comment or that from mom or dad, families in turmoil over misunderstandings stemming from gossip, adults sacrificing their own desires and making poor decisions just to quiet the know-it-alls in their lives, couples leaving the cities in which they were raised to raise their children in peace, and bitterness between "right-fighters," I am no longer jealous. While I may not know (or think I know) my family as intimately as most (because I have to go directly to the source for information rather than hear about it over coffee with someone else), this quiet, this distance, has allowed me to live my own life without fear of reproach or admonishment. And it has taught me just how much my parents do love, respect, and trust me.

I hope that in my own way, I am able to be this respectful of N's decision making-- though I may be more explicit about my intent: I am quiet not because I don't care, but because I do.

I suppose this means I should start practising. Anyone know where I can get a tongue guard? There's going to have to be a lot of biting starting now...

On Being Trustworthy

2009-08-22T21:50:00.001-06:00

This blog post is worth a read. It's probably worth multiple reads-- once for the message, another for the style, and again for the message. Very powerful.

There's Power in Them There Choices! Power!

2009-08-19T22:15:00.000-06:00

On a mommy discussion forum I frequent, the topic was the American debate over health care. One of the women who spoke to the subject discussed the danger in limiting competition and subsequently "choice." When discussing how to prevent health care issues, a senator suggested that one step might be to ban transfats from school lunches. The aforementioned woman thought that was also a dangerous idea, because why allow the state to make such choices for us?

I was pretty baffled by this. You think freedom= the right to choose to shorten your child's life by poisoning them? If that's the case, then why isn't arsenic an option on the school menu?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here is a quote from my response:

In my discussions with other Americans and in my reading online, I hear so much about the fear of the government and it having too much control. I get it. What I don't get is the lack of fear of major corporations who would like to make a profit from your medical misfortunes. I can vote for my government. I have no say in who is running those multinationals and how much money they make from my illness.

It is true that the Canadian system is not perfect, but I am willing to work through its imperfections knowing that every man, woman, and child in this nation can receive medical care for everything from the flu to cancer. I am able to sleep at night knowing that no one-- no matter how much money they make-- can jump ahead of me or my child in line for the care I need and deserve and that no one-- no matter how little they make-- will be told that his/her life is not worth as much as mine.

Fear the government having too much power, but also fear it exerting too little and allowing private corporations to take over in the human rights sector because, in my opinion, what is worse than a socialist state is a fascist one. Don't be fooled by the illusion of choice-- it's fool's power.

Pretty good, hey? I knew my time online wasn't totally brainless!

So, I figured out it is about control or at least the illusion of it. They feel the world is out of control but that they are the best ones to control it and so how dare you suggest that you should make any decision for me?

But here's the problem: no one is actually capable of making every single decision there is to make. And even if we were, the amount of time and energy it would take to make all the pitiful, trivial ones would mean that the really big things would get an insufficient amount of attention. I have read a few great minds who have discussed the paralyzing nature of too much choice. People get caught up in a positivist perspective trap where they honestly believe there is a right answer and only one right answer than that they must choose correctly or else it will diminish their self worth. Even when that choice is something as simple as what type of plastic wrap is best for me.

Another obvious problem is that there are some choices that have pretty obvious answers. Like whether or not I should let the public education system pump my kid full of transfats. I think it's the slippery slope fallacy that people get caught up in on this one. "Well, if I let the government decide that I shouldn't be able to poison my kids, what's next? Enforced abortions and military conscription for the elderly?!" I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the VAST majority of individuals, given all the information on the issue, would, given the choice, opt for their kids not to eat transfats at school. At the very least, they would be apathetic about the issue. And if there did develop a movement to promote transfat consumption in children BECAUSE IT'S MY CHOICE DAMMIT! Then pack your kid's own damn lunches.

But now I'm wondering about the correlation of the far right and religious zeal-- because they have no problem delegating decisions to a Deity. Perhaps the stress of wanting to choose everything all the time gets to them and the only way to deal is to "let go and let God." I mean, He's always right... right? And they couldn't possibly "let go and let the government" because if they did, then they'd be right back where they started: like the British. The poor, oppressed Brits.

I once had a student who had grown up in Iran write about the freedom that can come from rule. In requiring that she be covered, she was given the freedom to move through her world without being sexually objectified. In having strict social decorum on language use, she had the freedom to move through the world without having to listen to profanities everywhere she went. In having strict punishments when it came to crime, she perceived that she had the freedom to feel safe. I am not saying I agree with it all, but it illustrates that freedom comes in many forms and that choice is not the only way to achieve it.

I said earlier that we need to delegate the unimportant or obvious choices so that we have the time and energy to be able to make the important decisions and some may argue that health care is one such decision-- neither trivial or obvious in its answers. I agree. The government should not be able to tell me that I can only see one doctor or that I am not entitled to a second opinion. The government should not be able to withhold care from me based on my profitability according to some screening process. I should still have choice (within reason-- and I know "reason" is subjective).

I believe in liberty. I do. But government is not the only power from which we should be emancipated. As I said in my response, human rights should not be outsourced for private corps to profit from. Health care is a basic human right. And last time I checked, governments existed to protect their citizen's rights. Even if total personal choice is one's definition of liberty, what kind of choice do you truly have when a health insurance company can deny you as a client or your claim even if you are one? What kind of choice is it really when your insurance company will only allow you to see certain doctors at certain clinics? What kind of choice do you have when you show up at the emergency room and your health insurance has expired and they turn you away? Unless you plan to become a doctor yourself and specialize in every area so that you can heal thyself, you are going to have to give up some choice and control somewhere along the way. I would rather it be to those elected who have some responsibility to me than to those just looking to make a buck (or a trillion).

Before I close, I need to qualify my argument. I realize our health care system isn't perfect, that there are people waiting on long lists and being denied access to new drugs, that certain concepts of medicine are privileged above others and that location can have a very limiting effect on choice. But in working through these problems, I don't believe the American model is one we should pursue and honestly, I am scared that doctors (the ones who originally opposed Tommy Douglas's vision, I mean not the exact same ones, but the same group in society) want to force us down that road. It is a huge reason why I felt getting involved in this discussion was necessary.

I also realize that this argument may be perceived to conflict with a previous argument I made about choice in schools. Please remember, though, that my ideal was not to privatize the system, but rather to open up public choice. And maybe that makes me a control freak, but still a left leaning one, so I'm OK with it.

Things I Think That Remind Me I'm Old

2009-08-19T16:22:00.002-06:00

If we don't get some sun soon, my tomatoes will never ripen!

It goes until 9:00 p.m.? I'm gonna be so tired tomorrow.

Mmmm. I should treat myself to a Booster Juice... with a fiber booster!

I would love it if Lillith Fair came back... OMG IT IS COMING BACK!

Is this something we could do ourselves? How long will it take. Oh ef it. Just pay someone to do it.

More to come, I'm sure. (because I ain't getting any younger!)

Held Hostage

2009-08-17T21:17:00.003-06:00

This is a stick up. Nobody move and nobody gets hurt. I've got some demands. They're not unreasonable, but if they're not met, I'm going to take some drastic measures.

Who's in charge here? I want to talk to whoever's in charge. Shut-up, Pat. Zip it, Brad. We all know you have no real power when it comes to what people care about most in this province.

The weather.

The effing weather.

I know what you're thinking: "But Sleeves, it was a nice day today!"

As if one can make up for the crap we are handed the other 364...

Hey you! Mother nature! Listen up.

Every single day after the first snowfall, I move through my days tense and shivering, motivated only by the first day of summer. And I'm not talking about June 21. I'm talking about the first day when I can walk outside first thing in the morning without a coat and come home long after the late setting sun has said goodnight and still be comfortable in my t-shirt and jeans.

Every year, you make us wait longer for this day. Why? What's in it for you? A sick laugh? You disgust me.

This year has been even worse. Not only did you make us wait too long for summer, as soon as you gave her to us, you stole her back and sent a mixture of spring and fall in ugly homemade costumes of summer to mock us.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if it was just me. I have no problem locking you out of my house and jacking my furnace ON AUGUST 17 because you like to play these games, but I can't just think of myself anymore.

And for some unfathomable reason, my daughter loves you. She loves watching leaves in the wind and birds on the fence. She thinks flowers are funny and grass is fascinating. She is not OK with being stuck inside.

Enough chit-chat-- here are my demands:

The rest of summer will be summery.
Fall will be warm and long.
The wind shall not exceed 20 km per hour during daylight hours.
The winter will ease in gently.
Cold snaps will snap, not sink in for weeks on end.
Spring will arrive on time.
And next summer will not be too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry, or too windy. It will be just right. THE WHOLE FREAKING THING WILL BE JUST RIGHT. YOU HEAR ME?

If these demands are not met, I will take drastic measures to see to it that my daughter can have her nature and spend time in it, too.

Sleeve's Life Law #1

2009-08-16T15:00:00.003-06:00

I know the #1 suggests there will be a #2, but I'm not sure there will. Just in case, though...

You know when you were younger and your friend dated that guy whose disturbing number of flaws she ignored because she figured he was the best she could ever find and she was just happy to say she had someone and when she asked you, as her friend, what you thought of him, you joined into her delusion so as not to hurt her feelings and and told her that he was great, but then when they finally broke up you were all, "Phew. Thank goodness. He was a douchebag."*

Why did you do that?

You know when your friend (probably the same one) tried to join into that fashion trend no one should have been engaging in in the first place and when you went shopping with her, she asked you if you thought she could pull it off and you gave her a phony smile with raised eyebrows and nodded a little too hard because you couldn't bring yourself to tell her she looked like a poorly drawn cartoon character and then you watched her spend too much money on it and then let her wear it out in public and years later when you were looking through photos together and you came across the one of her in the outfit and she said, "I can't BELIEVE I wore that!" You said, "Yeah, that was the worst thing I had ever seen anyone wear ever in the history of time. Wow. You looked really bad. Worse even than I remembered."*

Why did you do that?

And that time your friend accidentally passed gas in the car and you nearly threw up in your mouth from the smell, but refused to roll down the window because then she would know that you smelt it but then the next year at a party were talking about the road trip at a party and thought it would be hilarious to bring up the time she nearly killed you with her toxic fart?*

Why did you do that?

Why do we do that?

Don't do that.

Sleeves Life Law #1: If you start a lie to protect someone's feelings, you must maintain that lie, either outright or by omission, for the rest of time. No exceptions.

*Please note, none of these things have ever happened to me-- everyone told me he was a loser from the get-go, no one ever said vests looked good on me, and I don't pass gass-- but I thought they served as pretty good illustrations to make my point.

Dear Teenagers: Adults are tools. Avoid becoming one at all costs.

2009-08-14T10:18:00.004-06:00

This. Is. NOT. OK.

Read the story and then watch the video. Now.

It makes me want all adolescents to simultaneously realize that no one can actually control them and stage a violent rebellion against their oppressors. Seriously.

I am so embarrassed to be an educator right now.

Who's John Hughes?

2009-08-08T11:53:00.002-06:00

That was the reaction today from both my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law when I informed them that he had passed. Once I listed his various cinematic works, however, they realized they did know him (or at least the fruits of his film loins) after all.

I am not going to lie-- I'm not a huge JH buff. Like most, I loved his 1980s teen films (only a decade late) and appreciated his later works (most of which I only discovered were his after searching him on imdb). Even so, I am able to recognize that his passing is a considerable loss to the cinematic community, popular culture past, present, and future, and (of course) his family.

So I guess I could say I was a fan of John Hughes work prior to his passing, but the following entry by Alison Byrne Fields of We'll Know When We Get There made me a fanatic of the man himself. It helped restore my faith in the fact that humans are inherently good and that what truly matters in life is positively affecting the lives of others.

Take some time to read it-- it's really touching.

Legally Ignorant

2009-08-03T00:34:00.007-06:00

My mother-in-law, L, is a brilliant woman. She is a great writer. She is a top-notch mother. She is a generous soul. She is a quick wit. She also happens to be blind. Not totally blind, but legally blind.

Legal blindness, as defined in the U.S., is when a person has 20/200 vision or worse with correction. In other words, with glasses, they can see at 20 feet what someone with 20/20 vision can see at 200.

She does not wear sunglasses every hour of the day, she doesn't require braille to read, and she does not feel your face to "see" what you look like. She wears regular glasses (albeit thick ones), uses a magnifying glass to read print, and proximity is her best tool to get a good look at your mug.

L's vision has gotten worse and worse over time for a variety of reasons. For some time, she used a white cane. This made her blindness "visible" to those around her. Unfortunately, it could do little to educate them. Even with her cane, some people were snarky if she bumped into them or committed any other such sighted faux-pas.

This year, she was trained in how to employ and received a guide dog, Arika. This training took six days a week for three weeks in Melbourne, Australia. Arika has been trained since puppyhood for this job so that she will not be distracted from her most important work: keeping L safe. She is able to do so much more than the white cane-- notify L on oncoming vehicles, stop her from taking a misstep, help her follow someone in unfamiliar territory, etc. She is invaluable. Like the white cane, though, she may be a visible signal of L's disability, but she cannot educate.

Two days ago, when we went to the beach with Arika, a maintenance worker berated her for having her dog on the property, in spite of the sign that greeted us stating that service animals were permitted BECAUSE IT IS THE LAW. L tried to patiently explain that she was a service animal and he demanded to know for what. In spite of the fact that it is AGAINST THE LAW for him to even pose that question, L explained she was a guide dog because she was blind. "Well you seem like you can see pretty good to me" was his retort. Even after showing him the proper documentation, he only relented with a huffy, "Well I guess I'm going to have to take your word for it."

When L brought Arika home from the land down under, there were pieces written in the local paper in order to inform people about her role, the law, and proper etiquette-- but the paper is only distributed so far. Tonight while at a restaurant, a woman tried to grab Arika's leash to "help" L out of a stall. Spending time here with L has made me realize just how ignorant the vast majority the able are of the disabled (myself included). As I move through the world with her, I begin to see (no pun intended) the obstacles that she must face and admire the grace with which she approaches them. It is so not about her lacking an ability and so much more about the world lacking an understanding of the necessity to accommodated.

Of course my mind immediately asks, why? Why don't I know about people with disabilities and how I can help, rather than hinder, their movement through the world? Why don't I even have the language to be able to write about this topic without fear of offending?

Our education system is a public education system. Its mandate is to educate for and about the public, not just a certain segment of it. I have absolutely no recollection of studying about people with disabilities in any significant depth at any point in my 13 years of education. We read about Helen Keller, but the historical nature of the book served to romanticize her disabilities and did little to enlighten us about the real nitty-gritty of life as a blind or deaf person. Education about and for people with disabilities could easily fit into multiple curricula at multiple grade-levels without sacrificing existing objectives. I suppose, though, that due to the prevailing ignorance about this topic, it is easier not to. It is easier to taught what we were taught the way we were taught it. Again, I am implicated here as well.

But that is a cop-out. Now that I recognize my ignorance, it is my responsibility to do something about it. In my position, the best place to begin is probably literature. Any title recommendations?

The Kindness of Americans

2009-07-31T11:57:00.002-06:00

On our way to Hawaii, we stopped in Denver, L.A., and finally Kona. At every stop, every person we met-- other passengers, employees of the airports, Starbucks Baristas, the 18 year old boy stuck on the end of our aisle for a 5 hour flight-- was not only extraordinarily charismatic but also incredibly kind.

So what gives, prairie home town? What is it about our culture that causes most people I encounter at home to be at best apathetic and bland and at worst surly and rude? Why is it that humour, if noticed, is poorly received? Why on earth can't we crack smiles at one another and be cheery in our daily interactions? Knowing that these kind of strangerly pleasantries are possible makes me embarrassed for our city. Are we so busy trying to be Big City that we are imitating some horribly inaccurate stereotype of real ones? Honestly?

Please note, this is not a rhetorical question of an entry. Feel free to venture a guess in the comment section.

There's a blog about that?

2009-07-24T19:49:00.002-06:00

Yes. Yes there is.

Cake Wrecks is a blog about bad cakes. And it is quite funny. Who knew?

I am actually terrified that one day one of N's birthday cakes will appear on this site and she will be forever scarred by my mutilation of one of her favourite characters and completely mortified by my lack of icing prowess. Until that day, though, I will gladly laugh at the cake misfortunes of others.

Made You Smile

2009-07-24T11:41:00.003-06:00

A friend of mine sent this to me a while ago in response to my posting of some street theatre. I can't explain why, but it seriously made me tear up. I know it's ridiculous, but I guess it just made me think of how amazing it is to be alive and how awesome it is that people would take the time to spend some of their time living doing something that served no purpose other than to make complete strangers smile. I want to be more like that.

The Vow

2009-07-19T19:12:00.006-06:00

Our Sixth [married] year began with the announcement to all that I was pregnant. We had no idea what the year would hold, only that it would be like no other before it.

C supported me through the nausea, aches, pains, and acute lack of sense of humour all the while massaging my feet and picking up things I could not reach. When the big day came, I never once felt fear-- not even as I lost more blood than I ever have in my whole life-- because he was by my side and if there's anything the last five years had taught me, it was that we could do anything as long as we were together. He was everything I needed him to be at the exact moment I needed him to be it.

In N's first four months, he worked so hard at balancing fatherhood and his job and his masters and his extracurricular and the various committees to which he belonged and and and. He spent nights walking the floor or trying to sleep on the couch with our colicky little N in his arms. He did everything he could to help me get some sleep. Things were the farthest from perfect they had been our entire relationship, but somehow he made me feel more loved than ever before.

Things slowly began to look up-- C's outside commitments dropped one by one, N's digestion and sleep improved. We strengthened the faint pulse of a social life we still had left. We smiled and laughed like we used to.

We were one day from our first summer as a family, the first summer in which niether of us would take a second job, one day away from the promise of lazy days spent just enjoying life and one another.

Then there was an accident. A terrible, terrible accident.

Never have I felt less equipped to be a wife. How do I console, how do I help, how do I? In spite of his unimaginable pain, C has continued to be an incredible husband and father, ensuring I still feel appreciated and loved and shielding N from his sorrow. Everyday I continue to be amazed by this man who chose me, whom I chose.

Unlike the others, this year will not get lost amid 5,7,8,9 as our relationship marches on. This year will stand out in the most bittersweet way.

In good times and in bad. I do.

Love you, C.

Six

2009-07-12T20:31:00.005-06:00

C beat me to the punch and now I'm at a loss for words. I've tried to start this entry six times and nothing is working. It's not that I don't have anything to say it's that no words are able to say it.

I'll try again tomorrow.

I love you, C. Happy anniversary.

A spoonful of thankfulness to help the bitterness go down...

2009-07-12T19:32:00.005-06:00

My last entry paints a pretty bleak picture of our last two and a half weeks. The fact is that it hasn't all been insensitivity and head shaking. Times like these really can bring out the best in people. I've never been good at accepting generosity because I have always felt guilty about my privilege and tried to be the generous one as penance. As the youngest, being fiercely independent was an early goal of mine and one at which I have been quite successful. I rarely reach out for help even when I need it. The past 17 days have schooled me in the grace of acceptance and comfort of humility.

First, let me give thanks for all the kind words we have had the honour of hearing and reading. From family and friends and strangers and public figures, the sincere, heartfelt lines-- long and short-- have offered so much comfort. One dedicated reader of Paul's offered thanks to C and his sisters for the time that Paul spent writing (which they acknowledged took time away from family). The honourable Ralph Goodale spoke of Paul's effect on Federal Legislation. Old friends offered memories. Family members who could have painted words of sympathy with one broad brush chose instead to address individual cards to each family member, recognizing their unique feelings of grief.

Next, to your gestures of friendship and kindness. Thank you so much for all the food. Not having to cook has freed up so much time-- our most valuable commodity as of late. The wholesome menu has also offered its own kind of comfort. Thank you as well to those who thought of K and provided her with vegetarian fare. You saved her from a solid diet of grilled-cheese sandwiches and dainties. Thank you for the donations to Amnesty and all other monetary generosity. Thank you to Krista for the photographs-- now no matter what happens in the years to come, we can travel to the farm through the album. Thank you for picking up groceries, for feeding and petting our cats. Thank you for mowing our lawn and watering our flowerbeds. Thank you for listening. Thank you for checking in. Thank you for leaving work and driving an hour to offer a shoulder of the old friend variety in our darkest hours. Thank you for coming to the funeral and showing your support-- the turn out was overwhelming. Thank you to all those who have lived this hell themselves and who have offered their advice and understanding.

In spite of some bumps along the media road, I do want to thank the majority of newspapers in this province for their kind tributes to Paul. I also want to thank Working and her pals at the CBC for putting together a CD featuring clips of Paul as well as their coverage from the day after the accident.

Finally, thank you for thinking of us. I truly believe in the power of positive energy and though nothing can bring Paul back, being surrounded by such an incredibly supportive group will help us to heal.

If you did not know Paul, I am sorry you never got the chance. Your life would have been richer for it. Even if you did know him in one capacity or another, chances are you would be surprised at what a polymath he was.

The following are articles about and tributes to Paul. Please honour him by having a read.

CBC.ca
Grainews
Working From Home Today
Winnipeg Free Press
His obit and a lot of the columns he wrote

2009-06-26T11:00:00.000-06:00

Please bear with me as there will be no posting for a while. We lost C's father in a tragic farming accident yesterday and so our energies will be used there.

P.S. To Coffee Crack Entry

2009-06-23T17:05:00.003-06:00

My observations about coffee were in no way intended to communicate any hatred of coffee itself and was satirical in nature.

I love coffee. Especially Stone's Throw Coffee House coffee. Just putting that out there.

I love you, too, Todd and Shar!

Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: This is totally racist! LOL

2009-06-23T13:52:00.005-06:00

Is it just me, or is anyone else SO FREAKING TIRED of receiving email forwards that are just thinly veiled conservative agenda pushing?

SERIOUSLY.

They begin seemingly benign, trite, and cliched (like ALL forwards) but then turn into malignant, trite, cliched RIGHT WING CRAP. It is as if they are using patriotism and freedom of speech like ketchup-- if I hide my racism in here, people will admit they agree with me. That will teach those bleeding heart Liberals!

Sorry guys, no matter how thick the disguise, nothing can change the bad taste of your message.

Example:

My father loves Maxine from Shoebox greetings. He thinks the old hag is hilarious. I frequently get Maxine forwards from my dad. The final frame (clearly not an original) in the most recent is an image of Maxine holding a cup of coffee with the following text added in:

"Towel Heads"

Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note: We all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words. I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do not like to be called "Towel Heads" since the item they wear on their heads is not actually a towel, but in fact, a small folded sheet. Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads". Thank you for your support and compliance in this delicate matter.

News flash: If you need a greeting card cartoon character to lend credibility to your beliefs, chances are your values are suspect. Your concern isn't freedom of speech, it's freedom of ignorance. And any human being who believes that the writers at Hallmark thought this was clever and actually wrote it is a complete and utter tool. It isn't clever. It isn't even funny. It's obvious and pathetic.

And to still get crap like this in spite of recent publicity about racist email forwards, let's me know that people just don't get it. So, people-- please think critically about everything you read and pass on-- even crappy forwards. At the very least, don't send it to me. You know me better than that. If you want to talk freedom of speech, let's do so in an intelligent way.

The Man's Crack: How Coffee Keeps Us Compliant

2009-06-23T09:45:00.007-06:00

I wish this entry was going to live up to its title. There is nothing more I would rather do than spend a few hours exploring this argument in a university-English-class-where-the-prof-lets-you-choose-your-own-topic kind of way, but we're off to Hawaii on Saturday and I have other stuff to do (and I lied back there-- I would much rather be in Hawaii than writing a pointless yet entertaining essay). So you are going to have to live with what I can produce in 40 minutes or less.

We just got a Keurig Brewing System for our kitchen. That's right. We don't make coffee any more. We brew it. With a system.

I got it for C for Father's Day because he was always complaining about our crappy 12 cup coffee maker that leaked on the counter (we used to use a French Press, but it didn't keep coffee warm for me throughout the day). And since I didn't get anything for Mother's Day (just a fact, not trying to rub it in, C-- although I will be posting that story on my other blog later today), I thought I might as well get something we both could use.

This entry began brewing in my mind this morning when every time I walked past the machine, I would think, "I can't wait for N's nap so I can have some..." Seriously. The life I created who basically performs miracles of development each day was playing on the carpet and I was hoping for less time with her awake so I could enjoy some delicious fresh java.

My name is Sleeves, and I'm an addict.

It got me thinking about how caffeine is the most socially accepted drug in the universe and why that might be. Besides the obvious (it doesn't cause hallucinations or slowed reaction times and actually improves performance in a number of cognitive and physical tasks), I'm fairly confident coffee is The Man's way of maintaining the capitalist structure. Think about it. Every workplace has a coffee maker. We have been given coffee breaks as a reward for our work. If the boss asks you to come in early or work late, what do you use to help get you through? Coffee. And we think we are "treating" ourselves-- indulging on the job-- when what's really happening is that The Man is using us as His beans and making economic lattes each day. They don't call it the daily grind for nothing. And we're OK with it because we're getting something out of it, too-- a fix.

Jimmy's a young go-getter, fresh out of high school, eager to make some real money in the corporate world. He gets a job in clerical. It's not where he wants to be in 5 years, but it's a good place to start. On his first day, Joe (a clerical employee of 37 years) shows Jimmy around. The tour ends in the break room where Joe begins to show Jimmy how to use the coffee maker.

Jimmy: Oh don't worry about that. I don't drink coffee.

The break room, previously a-buzz with gossip and inappropriate jokes falls into a hush.

Joe: Oh, but you will, Jimmy. You will.

Joe continues with the demonstration and Jimmy feigns attention in an effort to discourage the hot stares of the other employees.

The next day, Jimmy arrives at work 15 minutes early and heads into the break room to socialize before punching his time card. There's a cute girl sitting alone at the table. She looks up, as if she was expecting him.

Cute Girl: You must be Jimmy. I'm Joanne. It's great to meet you.

She extends her perfectly manicured hand for a handshake.

Joanne: I'm an early riser, too. Can I get you a coffee to start your day off on the right foot?

Jimmy: No thanks, I'll just have some water.

Joanne: (laughing flirtatiously) Water. That's a good one. Seriously-- cream? Sugar?

Jimmy: No-- I...

Just then, in walks Jimmy's supervisor, Jose.

Jose: Hey Jimmy! Wanted to start your day off right, so I brought you a double-double in your very own company travel mug.

Not wanting to be rude, Jimmy accepts the sweet, creamy treat.

Jimmy: Well, guess I better get to work...

Jimmy heads to his work station, sets down the unopened mug, and starts working. Around 10:30, the distinct aroma of coffee drifts in and Jimmy realizes it's break time. Not wanting another coffee related confrontation, he works straight through to lunch. Even though he's behind in his work and would like to work through lunch, Jimmy knows he needs a break because his stomach is growling and he's feeling tired from his low blood sugar. As he gets up to go, he notices the still, unopened mug.

Jimmy: I wonder what all the fuss is about. I've tried the stuff before and can't say that I liked it. What am I missing? It was such a nice gesture of Jose to bring it in for me and I hate wasting anything... I might as well give it a try.

And so Jimmy takes the bait. He opens the cup, the distinct scent carried on the steam rises to greet him. He takes a swig and the smooth, sweet, sophisticated flavour slides past his palate warming him body and soul. He's hooked.

With caffeine now coursing through his veins, Jimmy decides that he can skip lunch after all.

Months pass and now you would hardly recognize Jimmy. He arrives at work early, but only to be the first in line at the coffee maker. The coffee stains around his eyes are like track marks. His initial caffeine jolt keeps him efficient until 10:15 when he begins counting every painful minute until 10:30 when he can refill his cup. His favourite lunchtime spot is an international coffee chain where he orders tasteless lunches to accompany his venti Americano. He brings back a double macchiato for his boss knowing that he is up for a promotion. He is excited about his coffee date with Joanne later that night. Not only is coffee the fuel in his tank, it is also the grease of corporate (and romantic) wheels.

Because he is always thinking about his next fix, Jimmy doesn't take time to look at the bigger picture. He doesn't think critically about his place in the world-- about his true dreams and aspirations. He forgets his five year plan and instead ends up right where The Man wants him-- in the giant hamster wheel of 9-5, his paycheques reinforcing the strong foundation of our economy: coffee.

Even in this recession, I would venture a guess that coffee sales aren't down. Perhaps some people have stopped paying for $4 lattes, but you can bet that they invested in some grounds for home. Nothing could cause this industry to crumble-- heck, they even have Oprah's Dr. Oz touting the medical benefits of java. And we all know about the Oprah Effect, right?

In conclusion, go grab yourself a cup and keep our economy and The Man as strong as your brew.

Wait... was that what I was trying to say? Who cares-- I'm going to get a refill.

Yeah! What she said!

2009-06-19T09:20:00.003-06:00

This article by Gail Vazoxlade (my financial hero from Slice Network's Till Debt Do Us Part) captures exactly how I feel about the financial practices of our generation and the ones that are coming up behind us.

I have to admit that I very well could have been one of these folk and still sometimes have to shake that "picture" she describes out of my head and trade it for a photo of reality, but C has had an incredibly positive influence on me with regards to finances. I came into our relationship with a car loan. He had an 86 Golf that was (needless to say?) paid off. I came into our relationship living one month behind thanks to Mastercard and my habit of spending my next paycheque. C came in with an incredible credit score from his years farming. During the first 4 years of our relationship, I spent over $20 000 I didn't have on my education (fortunately, I got much of it back in scholarships and bursaries). C had no student debt to speak of even though he had just graduated. In the first six years of our relationship, my credit card was paid off, we sold my car, my student loans were put to rest (in cash! Thanks international teaching!) and we saved up enough for a downpayment on our home (C used his RRSPs for the downpayment on our first house-- he was 23 years old at the time). It boggles my mind how hard he has worked his whole life to keep out of debt. This will be the first summer in his 8 years of teaching that he hasn't had another job.

I must say that we have been very fortunate in that every piece of furniture we own except for one couch, our TV stand, our mattress (which was purchased 9 years ago), N's crib and dresser, and the bedroom set we recently splurged on was a hand-me-down from my family. This has been extremely helpful in keeping us from falling into the consumer trap.

We have also been fortunate in that our degrees happen to be for a profession that is always hiring and that rarely has lay-offs. Our extra health coverage and retirement plan also free up some cash flow.

I grew up with everything. Seriously, everything. But C has shown me that earning everything you need and even some of what you want is so much more fulfilling than just being handed it all or taking it before you earned it. We don't live super frugally, but we stay within our means, which to us means saving for what we want before we buy it (in the vast majority of cases, our most recent car purchase did not meet that criteria, but it was a VERY good deal), and putting money into savings and investments for our future.

C's budgeting and forward planning has helped us maintain our standard of living in spite of my being on maternity leave. Even though I am not the brains behind the operation, we always communicate about our finances and ensure that we are on the same page. I know that if we were cartoon characters, he would be the angel and I would be the devil on the shoulders of our financial relationship, but we've managed to achieve a respectful balance that keeps us in the black and keeps me feeling like the girl who has everything.

Gail says that money is the number one reason for divorce. I guess we should look up the number two reason because, for now at least, we've got number one cased. Thanks, C.

Rereading this, I realize it could come off as smug, but I am super proud of where we are right now and I can't apologize for that. It is true that a lot of stars aligned for us to be in such a great position and for that I am thankful, but C also had the financial wit to know what to do when they did align and that is where I am most indebted.

You are brilliant, and the Earth is hiring.

2009-06-18T18:49:00.003-06:00

Paul Hawken delivered this commencement speech to a 2009 graduating class hungry for hope.

Here is an appetizer...

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn't bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: You are Brilliant, and the Earth is Hiring. The earth couldn't afford to send recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here's the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don't be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren't pessimistic, you don't understand the data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren't optimistic, you haven't got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote, "So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world." There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

Now go get your main course.

We Are What We Eat

2009-06-16T12:37:00.004-06:00

Daytime TV told me that people who take pictures of what they eat consume less calories than those who don't. I have spent the past year or so indulging more often than I should and blaming the baby is no longer really an option. Instead, my mommapal, R and I have decided to give this photodiet a shot. So far, the rules look like this:

We take pics of everything we eat and drink throughout the day.
We also take pics of any and all exercise/activities that will help make us healthier.
We email the pics to each other each night.
Every Monday, we take a pic of the number on the scale.

I'm pretty excited about this for a few reasons.

If we expect to achieve change in our lives, we need support. This is not a new concept for weight loss-- almost every program out there has an element of this, whether it be group meetings or having a personal consultant. The problem with these models is that while there is some support, there is no actual reliance. If I have a slice of cheesecake (or the whole thing for that matter), it does not affect anyone but me. In this situation, if I go off the deep-end it could be perceived as permission for my friend to do the same. Because isn't that what we do? We like to indulge together because it makes us feel less badly about our food transgressions. If I want my friend to be successful (and isn't it easier to want things like that for our friends than for ourselves?), I need to be successful.

By seeing what and how someone else eats, it can provide ideas and inspiration for me to expand my repertoire.

We get to be each other's cheerleaders and thus get immediate positive feedback for all the good we do. Since I'm a praise junkie, this is especially helpful.

In taking pictures of what we eat and do, it makes us more conscious of the choices we make and makes us more present-- no more shoving half a bag of chips in my face without thinking about it (who am I kidding, it's the whole bag. C's nearly lost fingers trying to get his hand in the bag.). I have to take the portion I desire, take a pic (and it's more fun when they look pretty), and then take responsibility for what I put in my body. It has also made me take the time to make myself look decent as I may be in some of these photos. Contacts are in, hair is styled, make-up is applied-- hey, I can go out in public and not feel like a pile of crap about it! When I look better, I feel better and I am more apt to treat myself better. The more I treat myself better, the better I will look and the better I look, the better I will feel... It's a delicious cycle. I want these pics to reflect who I WANT to be and by creating the conditions to take them, I BECOME her.

I'll let you know how it goes.

I wish I thought I could dance

2009-06-12T13:55:00.003-06:00

When I was 10 or 11, I convinced my mom to enroll me in a Jazz class. Unfortunately, like gymnastics, tennis, Brownies, horseback riding, piano, and every other activity I had ever enrolled in up to that point in my life, I quit.

Why? I wasn't flexible, I wasn't as good as the other girls in the class, I thought the leotard made me look fat, I had to perform in front of people, and the mirrors we had to dance in front of ruined every image I had of myself as graceful and cute.

Shortly there after, I declared a moratorium on all things feminine. I was convinced I would always fall short as a girl and decided to try my hand at being a tomboy. I took up basketball and bought all my clothes in the guy's section. Fortunately, the 90's lent itself to this without too much attention being drawn my way.

Behind my closed bedroom door and in front of my own mirror (which reflected things much differently than the one in the dance studio), I danced and sang everyday. I got my cheerleader friends to teach me their routine after basketball practice. That year's Dance Mix (and later Much Dance) never left my boombox.

After turning 19, I was delighted to be able to go to the bar and dance. I know many girls use this as a medium through which to attract males. Not me. They cramped my style. I just wanted to dance. Just dance. Da-da-doo-doo-mmm j-j-just dance.

Since then, I have had very few opportunities to shake my groove thang. Last year I even signed up for a community hip-hop class for shits'n'giggles. Ask C, I practised the dances we learned all the time.

Today, though, I live vicariously through So You Think You Can Dance and America's Best Dance Crew. Most of the time, I am gobsmacked by their abilites. I am moved (to tears, to laughter, to gasps) by their movements. The odd time, however, I am overcome with jealousy that my body never learned to move that way-- that I will never be able to express myself as clearly as they do, not even in words. I know that I never could have been that good, but I sure do wish I would have tried.

Hammer Time?

2009-06-11T11:19:00.001-06:00

I LOVE STREET THEATRE!

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

When the Economy Crumbles Make Econom-ade?

2009-06-10T09:37:00.002-06:00

I do not feel sufficiently informed to pass judgment here, but like the idea of building a new system rather than repairing the old one...

"To get ourselves out of our current mess and create the world we want, we must reboot the economy with a new, values-based operating system designed to support social and environmental balance and the creation of real, living wealth. We have seen what happens when government and big business operate in secret. The new system must be open to public scrutiny and democratic control. Globalization and the harshest form of capitalism have eroded the bonds of community and created vast gaps in wealth between the richest and the poorest. The new system must be locally rooted in strong communities and distribute wealth equitably.

Our environment and our infrastructure have paid a terrible price for the belief that private interests must always win over public ones. A viable system must balance public and private interests. Unregulated speculation is at the root of the current crisis. Society is better served by a system that favors productive work and investment, limits speculation, and suppresses inflation in all forms-including financial bubbles."

What do you think?

What I should have said...

2009-06-07T08:28:00.003-06:00

Last night at the party when you were disparaging the various neighbourhoods of our city, it seemed harmless enough (haven't we all made fun of the North End at some point or another?). But then when you were laughing you ass off about how funny it is to drive through North Central early in the morning looking at all the "crack-heads" coming off their highs, shaking in the middle of the road, I should have taken a cue from my friend who recently had an encounter with a douchebag with similar ideas about the inhumanity of addicts and said:

"That man is someone's son, perhaps someone's brother or uncle or father. That man is someone to someone even though he is no one to you. He is a person. As a child, he did not dream of one day becoming an addict so that he could entertain you on the way to your job. Something has gone terribly wrong for him and it is my hope that should something go terribly wrong for you, that some passerby will choose to extend a hand in help or at the very least take a moment to consider how lucky he is rather than kick you while you are down."

But I didn't say that. Instead, I sat there uncomfortably, hoping my raised eyebrows were enough to express my disagreement. After all, we were in polite company and I didn't want to turn my friend's party into something political. As if my silence were somehow neutral.

It is so funny to me that on the same day Oprah featured the authors of Tweak and Beautiful Boy in order to highlight the tragedy of addiction that this conversation would arise. Once again, apparently it is only tragic if you are of the middle class-- if things were supposed to go differently for you. If people could have predicted your descent into addiction at your birth (because of your socio-economic status or family situation), it is not tragic. You are simply meeting your destiny as perceived by the privileged. You do not deserve our empathy because you had it coming.

My aforemention friend did say something to that effect when she stumbled upon a facebook photoalbum in which a friend was tagged that included the following photos:

A homeless man passed out on a bench.
A couple of middle-class white males posing with the homeless man, mocking him.
The mcwm's posing with their bare asses next to his face.
The mcwm's dragging the man into their apartment building.
The mcwm's with the man in the elevator.
The mcwm's pretending to unrinate on the man.

My friend did not know the creator of the album personally but did send him a message letting him know what she thought of it all.

This ability to distance ourselves from those "not like us"-- to deny others humanity-- is responsible for virtually every injustice in this world-- from genocide to the murders of Pamela George and Larry Moser. How is it that last night I was able to convince myself that it was harmless enough for me to sit silent? I know better and I could hardly sleep for the guilt. All I can do is write this entry and promise myself that next time I'll say what I should say.

If you don't have anything intelligent to say, don't say anything at all

2009-06-03T17:56:00.005-06:00

Recently, I have had more time to do things like read the paper. Yes, I read our local paper. Yes, I know it is awful. I get it for free online because I'm a teacher. That's my only excuse.

Reading the paper today, I read YET ANOTHER poorly written "Viewpoint." I am all for hearing the opinions of everyday people (so much so, that as an everyday person, I write this blog and think it matters). I desire to hear from the various sides on current events, local, national, or global. I love it when I believe I have my brain wrapped around an issue only to have it unraveled by the keen insight or unique perspective of another regular citizen. ONLY THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN OUR PAPER. OK, maybe "never" is too strong... but rarely.

I'm not even all that concerned about the grammar-- I frequently break grammatical rules (sometimes for style, sometimes because I'm too lazy to go back and fix it, sometimes because I'm in a rush, and sometimes because I don't even realize I'm doing it). It's the lack of logic and critical thinking that really bugs me. Just because you say something is does not make it so. You can't make up statistics or use what you THINK might be the case for the basis of an argument. Most of all, if you have no information on the issue, you should consider getting some before writing a letter to be published for all of the city to see.

So the next time I have a student ask me, "Why do we have to write an essay/write a journal entry/read an essay/read a book/read a short story/read poetry/share a response/give a speech anyway? It's not like I'll ever use it in real life..." I will grab a copy of our pathetic local paper, rip out the letters to the editor, force that student to read them aloud, and then declare:

Because one day, whether you can conceive of it or not, you WILL care about something strongly enough to want to express those feelings. It might not be to the paper, but it might be to a company, your employer, a friend, a parent, a lover, a spouse, a celebrity, the government-- it doesn't matter. It might not even be in writing-- perhaps you will prefer to speak your mind. But the fact remains, you WILL find yourself in the position of wanting to express your passion for a subject. AND IF YOU CAN'T FRAME AN ARGUMENT, CONSTRUCT A SIMPLE SENTENCE, OR REASON YOUR WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG, NO ONE WILL TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY! You may feel more deeply about this topic than about anything else in your entire life, you may even have a really good point, but none of that will matter. Your thoughts and ideas, if not well expressed, will be filed in the recycling bin and forgotten (before or after they are thoroughly mocked). You might as well not have said anything at all. And that's the saddest* thing I can think of.**

* Yes. There are probably other things sadder, but I was not thinking of them at that moment.

**I realize that sentence started with "And" and ended in a preposition. "That's the saddest thing of which I can think" just didn't have the same ring.

And in today's news...

2009-06-02T07:56:00.001-06:00

Accused of practising law without being a lawyer, man represents himself
Leader-Post staff
Leader-Post
02 Jun 2009

A man accused of providing legal advice or services for a fee or reward, even though he is not a lawyer will be taking his case to trial. Blaine Collins, 41, appeared in Regina Provincial Court on Monday to set his charges under the Legal Profession... read more...

I can't decide if this is incredibly ironic or perfectly appropriate...

Live Your Best Life EVER

2009-06-01T10:45:00.004-06:00

I have been known to watch Oprah. I have even been known to watch Oprah and like it. Sometimes, I even use her show as a platform for conversation. Now, I don't ALWAYS like what Oprah is discussing and frequently delete episodes after reading the info blurb on my PVR because it is just too trite or boring.

I am ambivalent about the woman and her show.

I believe she has more power than any other woman on earth and that she can use it for good and sometimes does. I realize no one can be perfect all the time and that we all have our own guilty pleasures and indulgences-- we just don't display them on international television.

It bothers me, though, that rather than being on the cutting edge in terms of significant societal issues, she waits until they affect the middle and upper classes to care. It bothers me, too, that she rarely revisits topics to explore them in any more depth and instead acts as if one hour of television (minus commercial breaks) is enough to do... anything. I am also irked by the fact that she promotes consumption in the way that she does-- as a cure all. It's easy to see it doesn't work, because Oprah herself still manages to have so many issues.

But that's why we love her, right? Because she is evidence that we are all imperfect, even the most billionaire-ic among us.

One thing that I have appreciated about her show is that she resists a positivist view of the world. She is willing to go out on a limb and support things that mainstream culture would poo-poo without her endorsement. I think this life is about exploration and asking questions for which there is no one answer. I believe that the universe has secrets we will never understand, in the healing powers of "energy" (though not to the extreme degree of The Secret) and alternative ways of knowing.

I do not believe that there is a "cure" for aging. I do not believe that vaccinations cause autism. I don't believe celebrities have any real authority on any issues other than the paparazzi and their next big movie/album/show.

This article is an interesting read and I think, probably troubled a lot of people's notions of Oprah.

Here's a portion:

Oprah routinely grabs viewers with the sort of tales of the strange and absurd that might be found a few clicks over on Maury Povich or Jerry Springer: women who leave their husbands for other women (another recent Oprah episode); a 900-pound mom (ditto). But there is a difference. Oprah makes her audience feel virtuous for gaping at the misfortunes of others. What would be sniffed at as seamy on Maury is somehow praised as anthropology on Oprah. This is Oprah's special brilliance. She is a gifted entertainer, but she makes it seem as though that is beside the point. Oprah is not here to amuse you, she is here to help you. To help you understand your feelings; drop those unwanted pounds; look and feel younger; get your thyroid under control; to smooth your thighs, nip and tuck your wrinkles, awaken your senses and achieve spiritual tranquillity so that you can at last be free to "Live Your Best Life."

Oprah takes these things very seriously. They are, after all, the answers she hopes to find for herself. If Oprah has an exquisite ear for the cravings and anxieties of her audience, it is because she shares them. Her own lifelong quest for love, meaning and fulfillment plays out on her stage each day. In an age of information overload, she offers herself as a guide through the confusion.

Her viewers follow her guidance because they like and admire her, sure. But also because they believe that Oprah, with her billions and her Rolodex of experts, doesn't have to settle for second best. If she says something is good, it must be.

While insightful in many areas, my issue with the article is that it sends the attitude that anything "alternative" to the mainstream is completely whackadoo. I'm not going to pretend to know whether Suzanne Somers is a quack or a pioneer, but I do agree with both of these women when they assert that if menopause were a male "change of life" that its symptoms would have been addressed by the "science" community long ago. There is a happy medium between choosing The Secret as your cure for cancer and thinking only science can answer life's questions-- I just wish the media could find it.

I also wonder if Newsweek is any less guilty of shallow investigation, trend-jumping and the use of pop-pseudo science for sensational headlines. And have they ever criticized Bill Gates or other billionaires for using their influence and claiming to be experts in areas where they really don't know their heads from their asses? Or are they immune because they are white males who appeal to other white males? Newsflash, Billy-Boy, the "factory model" of education fell out of favour decades ago because some Einstein figured out that because we're not starting with the same raw material we can't possibly expect the same end product. Don't get me wrong, you make some valid points-- like the fact that supervision is necessary to produce a stronger teaching force and that teachers are really what makes the difference-- but there is no standardized test that will prove who is a master teacher and who is not. Human behaviour with respect to education is better measured by qualitative research than quantitative.

My Lovely Lady Lumps

2009-06-01T09:51:00.002-06:00

It is less than 4 weeks until C, N, and I board a plane for Big Island to see Grandma Honey and Papa Mike. I am beyond excited. There are few things in this world more relaxing than our visits there. Playing Scrabble, lying on the beach, reading novels (oh-- I better go pick a couple up-- any recommends?)... I know it will be different with a little one, but I'm still confident it will be great.

In preparing for this journey, I have had to research sunscreens for N and make list after list of what she will need to make her journey go as smoothly as possible. One thing that didn't appear on any of the lists but it seems will sneak along is my bathing-suit-body-image. As a feminist and a 21st Century woman, I really wish I did not care how I looked in a bathing suit. Is there anything more petty to be concerned about? I can't think of anything. Now, more than ever, though, I recognize how unhealthy my feelings toward my body are because I will never forgive myself if I pass them onto my daughter.

So to try to combat my unwelcome travel partner, here are some positive thoughts about my bod...

Starting at the top-

I love the colour of my hair. I used to use chemicals to try to improve it, but the fact is, nothing can improve on this.

I have fantastic eyebrows-- full without being bushy and enough to shape beautifully.

My eyes, though myopic, have enabled me to see some pretty incredible things, not the least of which is my daughter.

My cheeks enhance my smile and help to communicate the joy in my heart.

My nose... smells... good?

My ears hear well, and look fine because of my amazing hair.

My lips-- they speak, they kiss, they smile-- what's not to love?

My chin showed up on N's face and that makes me very proud.

My collarbone and shoulders have great angles.

My breasts are bigger now than they have ever been AND provide all the nourishment my little girl needs. Pretty cool.

My belly stretched to carry life and then returned to its pre-stretched state without complaint or effort.

My hips and butt are ample and in some cultures (as well as in my husband's eyes), that is desirable.

My legs carry me everywhere I need to go without complaint and my right one declares my bff status with my sister from another mister JMR.

My feet have endured so much pain over the years-- toe after broken toe-- but still keep me firmly planted on this earth.

And let's face it, while my body image issues should not affect my feelings of self-worth, I haven't taken the time to care for myself properly since N was born. So with that, I will take my negative vibes and turn them into motivation to get strong and healthy (scale be damned).

WTF California?

2009-05-28T10:01:00.004-06:00

The issue of gay marriage is sooooo 2005 and so are the arguments against it (and the fact that it took that long up here is ridiculous enough in itself). Give me a break. The whole "You can have everything but the word" attitude is nothing but a prime example of the fact that the GLBT community is still riding in the back of the bus. If in 1929 here in Canada they said to all women, "You can have the same rights as men, but we're still not going to legally refer to you as persons" would that have been ok? "Well, it's just LIKE being a person-- it's just the word, really. We're reserving that for males because they are the only ones who have TRADITIONALLY been considered persons. It's the way God wanted it."

Hey-- U.S.A.! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Is there anybody else on that side of the border? How's about you grow the fuck up and actually employ that whole "Liberty and Justice for All" bullshit you make your children pay lip-service to every day at the start of school?

Not that we don't have our own issues here, but the hypocrisy drives me nuts! You believe in individualism and the meritocracy? Then get the hell out of the way of the individual and live and let live!

Sorry for the language. I'm just pretty riled up.

NYTimes "For Teenagers, Hello Means 'How About a Hug?'"

2009-05-28T09:22:00.003-06:00

The issue of public displays of affection is one that has been discussed in our staffroom for sometime. It is a pet peeve of most teachers and even I with my *liberal* attitudes about teenage relationships have been made to feel uncomfortable by students' casual attitudes about intimate touching. Though we are not sociologists or psychologists, many of my staff have arrived at the conclusion that the prevalence of hugging in our hallways (along with lap-sitting, hand holding, etc.) has less to do with the "breakdown" of formal greetings and more to do with the fact that our kids are not getting enough physical affection from their families. This article says different and while it makes some good points, I'm not sure I agree with the assertions it makes.

Especially in a nation as litigious as the U.S., adults have good reason to be weary of any sign of affection that could be misconstrued. When I was in university, I swore up and down that I would steer totally clear of physical affection with my students out of that fear. And then I started working at a Before and After School program where young kids often hugged you out of the blue, frequently touched your hair or clothing, or climbed up on your lap during story time. Kids need that kind of human contact and with parents working as much as they do, they are not getting it at home. I have had students of all ages come to me in moments of crisis-- in tears and needing consolation. I have made the choice to put a hand on their arm or back or even give them a hug in spite of that aforementioned fear and no harm has come to me because of it. Admittedly, as a female, I stand less of a chance of being falsely accused of anything because our society perceives us as being less of a threat.

I take this risk because kids need healthy examples of affection in their lives. To me, the connection between younger and younger kids engaging in sexual activity (no doubt, you've heard all about sexting adn that "oral sex is the new goodnight kiss") and lack of appropriate displays of affection is pretty clear. Kids want to feel like they are loved and like they belong. If they don't get it from home, they will get it from someplace else.

A G-Mail Chat

2009-05-27T19:33:00.002-06:00

C: Are you back at home?

Sleeves: no. I am in the internet. I got N in here, too, and now I'm not sure how to get us out. HELP!

C: What if that really happened, huh? What if you really were stuck, and I didn't believe you, and so I didn't do anything to save you. Ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?

S: No, but I bet I could walk over to google from here and find out about him...

C: smartass. I'm leaving here in 10 minutes. Anything else besides wraps you need?

S: alcohol

C: rubbing, isopropyl or intoxicating?

S: mmmm... so many choices
intoxicating, please

C: wine?

S: sure

S: uh-oh, your daughter just figured out I've been ignoring her and paying attention to the internet for the past 30 minutes. I better head to the jungle*

C: the jungle in the internet?

S: yes. She likes the jungle in here, too

C: see you sson!
sooon

S: sooon? isn't that spelling kind of ironic?

C: you're a kind of ironic.

S: whatever you do, don't shut off the computer when you get home

C: how come?

S: It may be my only way out

C: Fair enough.

S: plus you will need to save this convo so we can put it on our blogs

C: I have already saved most of it. But you keep adding to it :)

S: see you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

*N often plays on a mat with hanging jungle animals. She frequently eats monkey paw, parrot wings, and elephant trunk.

Bye-Bye Ideologies?

2009-05-26T11:19:00.004-06:00

My dear genius of a nephew is going to start kindergarten this fall. My brother and sister-in-law were hoping to send him to the school closest to their home, which they have heard really great things about. However, their current childcare provider has refused to find someone to walk the kids to school and is going to continue charging the same rates even though the kids will only be there half days.

The search for quality education and childcare has led them down some different paths, which has led me to more carefully consider my own thoughts and feelings on public education (prior to now, this kind of reflection has been primarily centered on my role as an educator and my hopes and dreams for our system rather than on the reality for children I love).

My nephew could go to a very good daycare located downtown. They would bus him to and from a public elementary school. This elementary school, located in the core of our city, has an incredible range in student diversity. There are kids coming into kindergarten at this school who have never been exposed to print in a meaningful way and other kids, like my nephew who can already read. How, do you suppose, will a teacher be able to provide the necessary remediation AND enrichment to all students? They won't. This is not to say that they won't try, but it is not humanly possible in our model of public education to offer the kind of individualized programming necessary for kids to reach their highest potential. I truly believe that in such a setting, my nephew will be forced to thrive in spite of his environment. Middle of the road kids will do just fine because that is to whom it is easiest to teach. My nephew is not a middle of the road kid. (I realize everyone thinks this about the kids in their lives, but please keep in mind that I have worked with children ranging in age from 3 months to 18 years for the past 14 years of my life-- I do have some credibility here and this kid is exceptional)

This real life fact butts heads with my personal ideologies about education.

I believe that education has the potential to alter the path of the individual for better or for worse. It is my hope that as an instrument of the system I do more of the former and less of the latter.

I believe that diversity of student population has the potential to teach students lessons of empathy and at the very least, tolerance, for others different from themselves.

I believe all people, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, class, and physical and cognitive ability deserve the best education that can be offered.

I believe that students' needs should be met-- education should be tailored to them-- and that they should not be asked to fit in some socially constructed box.

Do I believe that our public education system rises to its potential? No. Are there private institutions that do? In my opinion? Yes. Mostly.

My brother and sister-in-law are currently investigating Montessori school for my nephew. There, he would be able to explore and learn about the world in the way he learns best-- through play and through his interests. And starting this year, Montessori will go all the way up to grade 6. This is one of the only non-religious based options for parents and it is only an option to those who can afford it.

So here's the pickle: do you send your child through public education in the name of an ideology in the hopes that it will eventually become reality? Or do you look at the reality and refuse to deny your child what is best for him in spite of the fact that it reinforces classism and privileging the privileged?

For all my ideals, when it comes to my nephew, I have no qualms advocating for the private system. It will serve him best and my brother and sister-in-law have no obligation to the System or its improvement. He should be their first priority.

Now I am a different story. As an educator in the public system, is it hypocritical for me to have the same desires for my daughter?

When N turns 18 months, I fully plan to send her to a daycare that offers a Reggio Emilia philosophy. These daycares are more expensive and will be filled with other middle and upper-middle class kids like herself. If, as she grows, we see that Montessori would be a good fit for her, that is where she will go.

At first, discovering this about myself made me feel very hypocritical. The more I have thought about it, though, the more I have come to see that it is not me failing our education system, it is our education system failing its students. Why shouldn't we have choice in where to send our children to school? Better yet, why is one choice (Catholicism versus secularism) given preferential treatment to others? There is no one-size-fits-all or "best" practice for all students. Shouldn't parents have the option of deciding what is best for their kids-- whether that be an Open School concept, a Montessori school, a traditional classroom, a religious education, or an interest based school?

If our government, like those of other provinces, opened up to the possibility of choice schools, there would no longer be the classist divide there is currently with only those who can afford it able to do what is best for their kids.